You Saved Me
by MerDerDestiny
Summary: When Derek's sister dies suddenly, he agrees to grief counseling. He meets Meredith at the first session he attends. I do not own Grey's Anatomy, or any of its characters.
1. Chapter 1

**January, 1982**

_'It's like I was drowning, and you saved me. It's all I know.'_

He could think of more than a million other things he would rather be doing, but he had promised his parents he would try. He had been promising them for a month, and had run out of excuses. Now, he was stuck in a stuffy gymnasium, doing the last thing he wanted to. The support group may have helped his Mom and Dad, but listening to other kids talk about their friend or sibling dying only made him feel worse. He didn't want to tell them anything about Danielle. They didn't know her, and they never would, because she was gone. Did the dozen other teenagers sitting in the absurd circle with him really care that much that his sister was dead? That she was never coming back? Did they care that sometimes it felt like she was still there, and then the pain hit him all over again? Did they care that he couldn't sleep knowing she was never going to be in the room across the hall from his again? He wasn't going to auction off details about Danielle's short life like it meant nothing.

"Alright, how is everyone tonight?" The group leader asks. He claimed to be a psychiatrist, but Derek seriously doubted it. He didn't see a medical degree hanging on the gymnasium wall. "We're going to discuss channeling our grief into something constructive. Anyone have thoughts about this? I see some new faces. How about one of you? Anything to say?"

Not particularly. Nothing interested him enough to serve as a 'channel' for his grief. Whatever that meant.

"Say something, or he'll make us do trust falls." The girl next to him whispers. She was younger than him, but not by much.

"I'll take my chances with trust falls." Though he truly hoped she was lying.

"Damn, that one almost always works."

"I'm not saying something just because you don't want to." Derek crossed his arms, and she pouted a little bit. She was clearly disappointed that she hadn't been able to manipulate him.

"I was that obvious, huh?" She asks, catching the attention of the group leader.

"Something you feel like sharing, Meredith?"

"Is there ever, Ben?"

"I'm sorry, you just seemed chatty." Ben apologized. "It was nice to see."

"I'm not chatty." She argued, and pointed her thumb at Derek. "Farmer boy here is."

"Farmer boy?" Derek asks, and remembers the flannel shirt he is wearing.

"Introduce yourself if you'd prefer to be called something else."

"Derek." He sighs. "My name is Derek."

"Hi, Derek. I'm Ben." Ben smiles. "We're happy to have you here."

Everyone in the room looked thrilled. Honestly. Had Ben forgotten why they were all here? Thankfully, someone on the other side of the circle begins to say something, leaving Derek to stare at the wall again.

"Yes, Ben is very happy you lost someone you care about." Meredith rolls her eyes. "In case you missed that."

"You had that same thought?"

"Poor guy doesn't have a clue."

"I'm sure he means well."

"Oh, he definitely does." Meredith defends him. "Everyone else here loves him. Bares their heart and soul, and all of that. And then there's me, who told him last week that my radio died, and I miss it terribly. I wish I could have played my favorite tape just one last time."

Derek stifles a laugh. It was a dark humor, but it felt like the only humor he should laugh at. "Our toaster broke the other day. I'd give anything for one more bagel."

"Nice one, farmer boy."

"I am all for defense mechanisms, Miss Chatty."

"I am not chatty."

"You haven't stopped talking to me..."

"You haven't stopped talking to me." Meredith says petulantly, making Derek shake his head.

"My five-year-old sister is easier to deal with than you."

"Most people are easier to deal with than me."

"I think you like it that way."

"Maybe I do." Meredith brushes some stray blonde hairs away from her eyes. "Maybe you're picking up a few pointers."

"Maybe I am."


	2. Chapter 2

_"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl." _

After the meeting adjourned, Meredith grabbed some hot chocolate from the refreshment table, and stepped out into the cold, January air. Everything she had loved about New York when she had first moved here, she now hated. It all reminded her of Audrey. Every single thing reminded her of her cousin. She takes a deep breath, and sees him sitting alone on the steps. Farmer boy, or Derek as he asked to be called. He was picking at his well worn boots, and his wool hat barely contained his dark curls. She sits down next to him, and gets a good look at his face. Either he had been sitting in the cold for too long, or he had been crying. His face was blotchy, and his nose looked close to running.

"Hot chocolate?" She offers him the one in her hand.

"No, thanks." He continues to pick at his boots.

"Are you sure?" She asks. "It has marshmallows."

"I'm sure." He smiles weakly.

"You okay?"

"I don't want to go home." He says softly. "I love my family, I do, I just...can't handle it."

"Because everything is different?" She asks, familiar with the feeling. He nods his head. "How long has it been?"

"It was a month on Friday." Derek tells her. "She was getting her tonsils out over Christmas vacation, so she wouldn't miss any school. Seems a bit ridiculous now."

"Your sister?"

"Danielle. We were twins. Were..." Derek adjusts his hat. "Not anymore."

"She'll always be your sister." Meredith attempts to comfort him. "Nothing will ever change that."

"Nothing will ever change the fact that she's dead either."

"What happened?"

"She had a reaction to the anesthesia." Derek explains. "They said she would never wake up."

"It gets easier."

"It doesn't feel like it's going to."

"It becomes more tolerable."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"How long has it been for you?"

"About five months." Meredith sighs. "I was so excited to move to New York a year ago. My mother didn't tell me we were moving here because my cousin had lymphoma, and was not going to get better."

"That is awful." Derek shakes his head. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry about your sister."

"Thank you." He smiles, and looks over at the woman climbing the stairs, heading towards them. "Hey, Mom."

"Hello." She shows them a similar smile. "Ready to head home?"

"Sure."

"We could wait for your ride to get here if you'd like." She says to Meredith, surprising her.

"Oh, I'm walking home." Meredith answers. "It's only a few blocks."

Or twelve.

"At this time of night? When it's this cold?"

"It's really fine." It was only 9pm. "I walk everywhere I go pretty much."

"I wouldn't feel right."

"She doesn't take no for an answer very well."

"I see nothing wrong with that." His mother narrows her eyes at him.

"I wouldn't want to impose." Meredith starts to walk down the stairs.

"You wouldn't be."

"Okay." Meredith agrees. "Thank you for the offer, Mrs..."

"Shepherd."

"Thank you, Mrs. Shepherd."

"You are most welcome."


	3. Chapter 3

_"Is this the end of everything we know? This is the end of everything I am."_

The snow around him brought with it a fresh sadness. School and band provided a needed distraction, but only a temporary one. Winter had always been his favorite time of the year, and the snow was only a reminder that nothing would ever be the same. Christmas had been a disaster, and his quickly approaching birthday would more than likely be no different. He was going to be late for grief counseling, but he took his time walking to his Dad's store anyway. He arrives there eventually, and kicks the snow off of his boots before walking through the old door. The bell above the door rings, and his father appears from one of the aisles.

"How was band?" James Shepherd asks, placing a few items into bag.

"Fine." Derek shrugs, placing his saxophone case and backpack behind the counter.

"Phil's here, so I'm ready whenever you are."

"I'm ready."

"Let's roll, then."

"What's in the bag?" Derek asks, as they walk towards his father's truck. He had his suspicions, but until he knew for sure, he could still pretend to be oblivious.

"Everything you need to fix the cabinet from throwing that toaster at it last week." James climbs into the drivers seat.

"I don't know how to fix it." Derek argues. He could probably figure it out if he tried, but he didn't want to.

"I'm going to teach you."

"This has to happen tonight?"

"Yes, because I'm sick of looking at it every time I walk into the kitchen."

"Then why haven't you fixed it?" Derek had saved a majority of his newly found surly attitude for his father lately, and he regrets none of it. A month ago, he never would have spoken to his Dad this way.

"I didn't do it, and it wasn't an accident." James sighs. "I'm trying to cut you some slack, but you are making it very difficult."

"Sorry." Derek says indignantly.

"I know you are, but you need to remember that you're not the only one going through a hard time."

"Whatever."

"Not whatever." James taps his fingers on the steering wheel, attempting to retain any amount of patience he had. Derek had observed this behavior many times over the past month. "The way you've been acting has to stop."

"Why?" Derek turns on the radio, and wills the traffic light in front of them to turn green.

"You're taking out your anger on us, and we do not deserve it." James turns the radio off. "I understand needing someone to blame, but..."

"I don't blame Mom."

"You blame me?" James asks, and lets what his son had just said sink in. "That's what all of this is about?"

"You decided to take her off of life support. You." Derek stares out of the window. "She could have woken up."

"She wouldn't have."

"You don't know that."

"The doctors said..."

"I know what the doctors said." Derek raises his voice, and interrupts James. "I heard it a hundred times."

"Even if she did wake up, she wouldn't have been Danielle." James tells him calmly, and parks his truck. "Tell me what I can do to make this easier for you, and I'll do it."

"Kill Mark while you're at it." Derek opens his door, and steps out onto the curb. "Then I won't have any friends."

"Derek..."

"Bye." He closes the door forcibly, and walks away. He climbs the steps to the school, and heads toward the gym. He walks through the halls on autopilot, until a voice stops him. He had seen her come out of the bathroom, but his anger hadn't allowed him to pay to much attention to her.

"Who pissed you off?" Meredith asks him, moving closer to him.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Want to talk about why you're late?"

"Practice."

"You're practicing being late?"

"No, I had band practice...or rehearsal." Derek corrects himself. "They keep yelling at me for calling it practice."

"You're in a band?"

"Not the recording songs, playing gigs kind." Derek tells her. "The marching kind."

"Oh, that makes more sense." She laughs. "I can so see you in a shako."

"You know what a shako is?"

"There is very little I don't know."

"That's a pretty obscure thing to know."

"What are your school's colors?" She asks. "So I can get the whole picture."

"Black and gold."

"Hmm, that's not nearly as gaudy as I was hoping."

"My uniform is mostly gold."

"There we go."

"It looks awesome with my saxophone." He smiles. "Let me tell you."

"You have made my day, farmer boy."

"I'm not even wearing flannel today." He sighs. "Come on."

"You never should have let on that it annoys you."

"My grandparents own a farm in Maine." Derek confides. "My mother grew up there. She's mentioned sending me there a few times to give me an attitude adjustment until I'm myself again."

"Does she realize that may never happen?"

"I feel like I'm living someone else's life."

"Yeah, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your old life went sayonara with your sister." Meredith levels with him. "You might as well embrace your new one."

"Can we just stay out in the hall?" Derek asks when they get to the gymnasium doors.

"If you want to."

"Thank you." He leans against a locker, and slides down to the floor.

"Rough day?"

"You could say that." Derek takes his hat off, and smoothes his curls with his hands. "I may have just accused my father of killing my sister."

"Anesthesia killed your sister, Derek."

"No, it put her into a coma."

"There isn't going to be any arguing with you about this, is there?"

"No."

"How did your Dad feel about all of this?"

"He just wants to help."

"I think you're lucky to have him."

"You do?"

"Live with my mother for a day, and you'll agree wholeheartedly."

"No, thanks."

"What happened to your sister wasn't anyone's fault."

"I think that's the problem."

"I think the problem is that we are not at all capable of handling this."

"That too."


	4. Chapter 4

_"I lose my way, and it's not too long before you point it out." _

The next couple of hours were spent walking the halls with Derek, talking about anything and everything. She said things to him that she never thought she would say aloud. She told him about how close she had been to Audrey, and about her emotionally distant mother. She felt a great sense of relief, getting it off of her chest, and Derek was a great listener. It surprised her how quickly her friendship had developed with Derek, but they understood one another like no one else seemed to. She had never felt so comfortable with anyone, even Audrey. It scared her a little bit how easily she trusted him.

"Need a ride?" Derek asks when his father's truck pulls up to the curb in front of them.

"I'm meeting my mother for dinner," She says, and whatever face she makes, makes him grin. Unlike her, he had probably never needed braces. She would have to figure out more things that made him smile like that, because it looked good on him. Like it was how he was supposed to look. Like it was how he looked before. "but thank you."

"Anytime." He tells her, and stands up. "See ya next week."

"See ya." She smiles, and watches him walk toward the white land rover. He was definitely luckier than he realized. She was about to go to a dinner her mother probably wouldn't show up for. Her mother had a habit of rescheduling these dinners. She wouldn't mind, but her mother always rescheduled after Meredith had wasted time, waiting at the restaurant. A part of her felt like Ellis made these plans to make sure she showed up. It wasn't about spending time with Meredith at all.

The restaurant was only a couple of blocks from the high school where counseling was held, so at least it was more convenient than usual. She checks in with the hostess, and amazingly enough, her mother had shown up.

"You're here." Meredith sits down at the small table.

"Of course I'm here."

"You've rescheduled a lot."

"I'm sorry if I've had more important things to do." Ellis glances over the menu. "I thought you were mature enough to understand that. I have an entire surgical department to run."

"I understand perfectly."

"Good." Ellis nods. "Your report card came in the mail today."

"Which is why this dinner didn't get rescheduled for the tenth time." Meredith rolls her eyes.

"I would like to speak to you about it, yes." Ellis says. "That could have been done at home, but I have time now."

"What about it has caught your interest?"

"Your grades in algebra and history." Ellis sighs. "It's an embarrassment, Meredith."

"To you, maybe." Meredith closes her eyes, and wonders when their waiter or waitress was going to introduce themselves. It wasn't that she wanted the best for Meredith, either. It was that her teachers knew who Ellis was. Ellis would not stand to be associated with a student who received anything other than As. Bs were unacceptable, even before high school.

"The fact that it doesn't embarrass you worries me even more."

"Considering the circumstances..." Meredith begins to remind her mother about what was going on in her life during the span of time these grades reflected.

"Both subjects are so objective. They should be the easiest to study for." Ellis interrupts her. "There is no excusing your mediocrity."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Meredith smiles disingenuously, because being in advanced math, literature, and science classes was so mediocre. Only mediocre eighth graders took biology with high school sophomores, and set the curve on most exams. She hardly saw the point of any of it, if it would never be good enough.

"If you think your tone is lost on me," Ellis snaps. "you're sorely mistaken."

"I know it isn't lost on you." Meredith shrugs. "It's why I used it."

"Improve those grades, or arrangements will be made to insure you take your education more seriously." Ellis warns. By arrangements, she means sending Meredith to a boarding school in Connecticut. It was only a threat because Meredith enjoyed having her own room, and would put off having a roommate as long as possible. "Are we clear?"

"We're clear." Meredith answers respectfully, and their waitress makes an appearance. They order their drinks, and Meredith begins a new conversation. "I'm thinking of dying my hair darker."

"Why on earth would you do that?" Ellis questions, and sips her wine.

"For a change."

"Preposterous." Ellis says. "I won't allow it."

"It's my hair."

"What would people think if I let you follow whatever whim you should please?"

"That you're teaching me to express myself." Meredith suggests. "That I'm an individual, not a robot?"

"They'll think that I've raised a miscreant, with no regard for authority." Ellis sighs. "I've thought that myself, actually."

"Of course you have." Meredith was infuriated. "You couldn't handle any of that, if it were true."

"Sometimes it feels true, Meredith."

"I'm not very hungry." Meredith excuses herself from the table. "I'll see you at home."

"Meredith..."

"I have more important things to do." Meredith places her napkin on the table. "I thought you were mature enough to understand."

She leaves the restaurant, and begins her walk home. She holds her jacket close to her, and wishes she was anywhere else. Audrey had always been there when her mother made her feel this way. All she wanted to do was talk to Audrey, and she couldn't. It wasn't fair. She takes a deep breath, and stops at the pharmacy before going home. So, her mother didn't want her to dye her hair darker. Pink wasn't necessarily as dark as she had originally planned.


	5. Chapter 5

_"On the stormy sea of moving emotion. Tossed about, like a ship on the ocean."_

At least one good thing had come from breaking the cabinet in the kitchen. Derek had discovered he had an affinity for carpentry, and that he enjoyed building and repairing things very much. It made him feel a little more like himself, and it made him feel useful. Maybe there was something behind what Ben had said about channeling grief into something constructive. He should probably actually participate in counseling next week.

"It's like it never happened." Derek comments, while his father swings the cabinet back and forth, testing the hinges. Along with the new hinges, Derek had sanded out the dent, and put a new coat of finisher over the oak.

"This is some quality work here, pal." James pats him on the back. Somehow, his father had been able to put aside what had happened earlier, and act like he always had toward Derek. He wasn't sure if he would have been able to do something like that, and it only made Derek feel worse about what he had said earlier.

"Thank you."

"Someone had a great teacher."

"He was more like a supervisor." Derek smirks, and puts the cover on the container of finisher.

"Yeah, this was all you." James nods. "You should be proud."

"Anything else need to be fixed?"

"Well, the bathroom's seen better days," James says, "but your mother has asked me to hire professionals for that."

"Why?"

"Because she remembers when the pipe in the kitchen sink broke, and I swore that I could fix it."

"You did fix it."

"There was a lot of trial and error that drove her crazy." He leaves the kitchen, and Derek hears the nearby door to the basement open. James returns to the kitchen with a broom and dustpan, and hands them to Derek. "I've been meaning to ask you; what would you like to do for your birthday?"

"I haven't wanted to think about it." Derek admits, and sweeps the floor.

"I know." James places a hand on his shoulder. "Give it some thought. We don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"Something small." Derek tells him. "Maybe have a couple of people over. Can there be two cakes like there always is? It's still her birthday too."

His mother had always made him and Danielle individual cakes, because their siblings each got their own to blow the candles out on, and wish on. Derek's cake was always decorated like a baseball, and Danielle's was always a pair a dance slippers. She had danced for as long as Derek could remember, and she was good at it. A picture of the two of them at one of her recitals was one of his favorite pictures of them, and always would be.

"That shouldn't be a problem." James assures him. "You should invite this Meredith your mother told me about."

"Dad..." Derek groans.

"What? I'm a little disappointed I didn't get to meet her tonight."

"I barely know Meredith."

"Would you like to know her better?"

"I guess."

"Then invite her." James shrugs. "Or invite some other girl you have your eye on. Your choice."

His sisters would be livid. It was such a double standard. Their father would never suggest that Kathy or Nancy invite a guy over. He allowed them to, and put the fear of God into whoever they brought home, but he'd never suggest it.

"If I were to invite a girl, it'd be Meredith."

"Okay." James nods. "So, tell me about her."

"Dad, it's not like that."

"Do you like her?"

"Dad..."

"What? You're my only son. This is my job. I've looked forward to this since the day you were born. It's like teaching you how to fish, or fix that cabinet."

"I'm a little shy and awkward, but I think I do alright."

"And you're blushing a little bit there, buddy."

"I am not."

"Just please, do not take advice from Mark." James asks, and Derek laughs. "I love the kid, but that is not who I want you to be."

"If I need advice, I'll come to you."

"That's all I ask."

"I'm sorry about earlier."

"Hey, you're 14. You're a ticking time bomb of emotions. I appreciate the apology, though."

"I didn't mean what I said." Derek feels the guilt welling up inside of him. "I don't understand why things like this have to happen."

"Me either." James sighs. "I need you to understand that it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Your mother and I, we agonized over it. She was our daughter; we brought her into this world. It hurt too damn much to even think about a world without her in it. It hurt even more to see her in that bed, living on those machines. Dani deserved so much more than a life like that."

"I know she did, but I'm so angry." Derek leans against the counter. "All the time. I'm even angry with Dani, and I don't want to be angry with her."

"You're allowed to be angry." James tells him. "We all are, and we all process it differently. I'm only suggesting you find a healthier way of processing it."

"I'm trying." Derek sighs. "I just want my sister back, and that isn't going to happen."

"I know."

"I think I only want to invite Mark and Meredith over for my birthday." Derek decides. "Other people, it wouldn't feel right."

"It's completely up to you." James reminds him. "Your mother will be thrilled you're inviting Meredith, though."

"Why?"

"Let's just say that if we were a part of a culture that partook in arranged marriages, your mother would chose her for you."

"You have got to be kidding me." Derek shakes her head. "She spent about twenty minutes with her."

"Sometimes that's all it takes."

"Meredith is just easy to talk to." Derek shrugs. "She understands."

"She sounds like a great friend."

"Promise me you won't let Mom say anything crazy if Meredith is here."

"Define crazy..."

"Dad..."

"I promise."


	6. Chapter 6

_"I'm finding that you, and you alone, can break my fall."_

While she was blow drying her hair, to see the end result of the pink dye on her natural blonde, she heard her mother open the front door to their brownstone. She wraps a dry towel around her now vibrant waves, and walks into the hall. It wasn't that she wanted to hide it, quite the opposite. She wanted to unveil her new hair at the opportune moment, and show off her handiwork. She was proud of it. Preferably, that moment would be in the minutes before her mother left for the hospital in the morning. That would make Ellis' day as awful as Meredith felt right now.

"I have homework to do, so I'll be in my room." She calls down to her mother from the hallway.

"Meredith, come down here, please." Ellis replies, placing her briefcase on the dining room table.

"Yes, mother." Meredith sighs, and descends the wide staircase. "How was dinner?"

"Delicious." Ellis answers, going through her briefcase. "It's a shame you threw a tantrum like a toddler, and had to miss it."

"Is that all you called me down here for?"

"No," Ellis looks up from a file she had pulled out, "what is on your forehead?"

"I used a new shampoo." Meredith realizes the slight amount of skin that had been accidentally dyed must have been more visible than she thought. She really was a terrible liar. She needed to work on that.

Ellis tears the towel off, and seethes. "Have you made it your life's mission to find new ways to humiliate me everyday?"

"It would be easy to achieve."

"You are washing it out this second."

"It's permanent." Meredith rolls her eyes. "It's not that simple."

"Do not come out of the bathroom, until you've washed it out."

"All shampoo will do is dry out my scalp and hair."

"Then I will pay someone to remove it."

"There aren't any salons that are open right now." Meredith smirks. "So, it'll have to wait until after school and work tomorrow."

"You'd like everyone at your school to see you like this, wouldn't you?" Ellis snaps. "You're not going to school tomorrow."

"I can if I want to." Meredith argues. "You'll be at work, anyway. How would you know if I'm at school, or not?"

"I have no surgeries scheduled for tomorrow, so rest assured, I will be here."

"Fine."

"Get out of my sight, and go wash that abomination that is now your hair."

"I'm telling you, washing it won't make that much of a difference."

"You better hope something does, or you can pack your bags."

"Always the same threats."

"I do not want to hear another word from your mouth." Ellis waves her away with her hand. "I want to hear water running. Go..."

"Fine." She walks upstairs, and sits in the bathroom. She turns on the shower, and uses very little shampoo to wash her hair. She spends the rest of her night before going to sleep doing homework, and the next day Ellis shuttles her from salon to salon, but is unsuccessful in finding anyone who will strip the freshly dyed hair of a thirteen-year-old in order to make it blonde again. They said it would have to stay in for two to three weeks before anyone would touch it, or it could be severely damaged. They had a few unfortunate suggestions for her, though. Apparently, baby oil and clarifying shampoo would lighten her hair without the harsh effects of the professional methods. It was horrible. Baby oil was not meant to be put in hair. It made it feel greasy, and disgusting. Thankfully, her mother gave up on this when it did not have as great of an effect on the color after a few days. It lightened it, but only slightly. She spends most of her time in her room and at school, avoiding her mother. There is more talk of shipping her off to boarding school, but she does not end up on a bus to Connecticut, so Ellis must have been bluffing. By the time Thursday rolls around, she is more than ready to be out of the house for a few hours, even if it is for grief counseling. She didn't understand why she went most of the time, but she still did. It hadn't given her better coping mechanisms than the one she used most often, though. If you pretend everything is alright, it has to be eventually.

She waits for the gymnasium to be unlocked, while the other group members talk to one another. Derek shows up around the same time as Ben. He smiles and shakes his head when he notices her hair.

"Did you do something to your hair?" Derek looks at her sideways, as if it wasn't obvious what she had done.

"You noticed."

"Hard not to." Derek shrugs. "I'm guessing that's the point?"

"I was originally going to dye it a dark brown, but my mother forbade it so..."

"You went for a Pepto Bismol shade instead?"

"It looked angrier before the baby oil."

"Baby oil?"

"It was supposed to strip the color without destroying my hair." Meredith sighs. "My mother made me wash my hair with it and clarifying shampoo about a thousand times."

"What was wrong with the blonde?" Derek wonders.

He had noticed her hair color before it was bright enough to stop traffic?

"I needed a change."

"It must be a girl thing." Derek decides. "My sister had her hair cut really short a couple of weeks ago. She said the same thing."

"How many sisters do you have?"

"Four." Derek nods. "Kathleen, Nancy, Danielle, and Amy."

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't an only child."

"It must be lonely."

"It can be." It was why she had been so excited to move to New York. Audrey had been the closest thing to a sister she had ever had. Derek looked like he had more to say, but the doors were unlocked, and everyone filed into the gymnasium, and took their seats. The group discussed honoring the loved one they lost, and she had no interest in the conversation. She had her coping strategies. She goes to the group because Derek was right. Being in her house was lonely.

"Dani volunteered at this soup kitchen every week." Derek shares with the group, making her pay attention. "I think she'd like if I started doing that."

A few people agreed that it was a great idea, but she was still in shock. He didn't seem like the same person from last week that had wanted to stay in the hall.

"It's our birthday on Sunday, and I'd really like to do something for her."

Meredith was grateful that Audrey's birthday was still months away. They had actually celebrated it shortly before she passed. She couldn't imagine losing her, and then having to deal with her birthday a month later. Ben suggests a few things, and the meeting wraps up not too long after that.

"You never said your birthday was so soon." Meredith tells him as they leave the gym.

"I didn't want it to be." He says sadly. "Are you alright? You seem off tonight."

"I'm fine."

"I don't believe you, but I'll let it go." He hands her a hot chocolate from the refreshment table.

"I wish this was coffee."

"I love the smell of coffee." Derek smiles. "It's the taste I'm not sold on yet."

"It'll grow on you." She tells him. "What are you doing for your birthday?"

"Just having some people over the house." He kicks at the ground. "You can join if you'd like. Experience the chaos of having siblings."

"Will you need someone to talk to?"

"Probably."

"I'll be there."


	7. Chapter 7

_"And I know, there'll be no more, tears in heaven."_

Hoping to keep himself occupied, Derek spends the morning of his birthday helping his Dad at his store. He had needed to keep his mind off of the fact that Danielle hadn't woken him up to exchange gifts like they had since they were four. Derek couldn't be in the room where a majority of the gifts she had made him still were. Where the Christmas gift he had planned on giving her still was. He arrives home early that afternoon, and Amelia runs outside to greet them with a halfway inflated balloon in her hand. Derek scoops her up into his arms, and she hugs him tight. He hadn't realized how much he had needed a hug. His mother had given him one earlier, but it had been hours ago.

"You went to work before I could say happy birthday." Amelia whines, placing her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She finishes blowing up the balloon, and struggles to tie it.

"Need some help, Am?"

"I can do it." She insists, getting frustrated. "Mommy let me decorate the house."

"Really?"

"Really." She nods. "And Kathy's home. Did you know Kathy was coming home?"

"Mom mentioned it."

"I told you I can do it!" Amelia exclaims when she ties the balloon. Her excitement causes her to let go of the balloon, and it flies into the air. "No!"

"It's okay." Derek comforts her.

"Dani gets a balloon for her birthday too." Amelia's grasp on what had happened to Danielle surprised him sometimes. He had expected her to be more confused, but she wasn't.

"She does." Derek sighs, and opens their front door. "Great job decorating, Amy."

He hadn't really wanted any decorations, but Amelia had done it. He couldn't be upset about her getting excited. She had taped anything having to do with birthdays to the walls, and had colored personalized banners.

"Thank you."

"I have an idea." He grabs the package of balloons and a marker from the coffee table in the living room.

"Tell me. Tell me."

"Want to send a message to Dani?" He asks, motioning his head toward the door, and putting the marker in his pocket.

"Can we?"

"Let's go outside." Derek suggests, and Amelia happily follows him.

"She'll really get them?" Amelia questions, looking up at him.

"It's nice to think that she will." Derek shrugs, tying a balloon, and ignoring all of his scientific knowledge.

"Will you write mine for me?" Amelia asks. "I want her to be able to read it."

"Sure." He uncaps the marker. "What would you like to say?"

"Tell her I beat up the monster in my dresser." Amelia and Danielle had shared a room, and this must have been one of the things only they had shared. He hadn't heard about it before. "She always believed me that he was in there."

"Do you think he'll come back?" Derek asks, writing the message from Amelia.

"Only to say that he's sorry."

"Let me know if he comes back."

"Okay."

"Here you go." He hands her the balloon, and she holds on to it, waiting for him.

"What's your's going to say?"

"I hope heaven is like Hawaii." Derek smiles. "Happy Birthday."

"Hawaii? Like Dani's poster?"

"Like Dani's poster." Derek explains. "She always wanted to go there."

"She's real happy if it's like that poster."

"She is." Derek agrees, enjoying the thought of her sitting by a waterfall like the one in the poster. At Danielle's funeral, the priest had said that God was like a comforting parent, and embraced all who entered heaven as such. There was no fear, and there was no pain. It had brought comfort to his parents, but not to Derek. He could only focus on his pain. Then mention of comforting fears had only made him think about when him and Danielle had shared a room. It was one of his first memories, but it was a vivid one. Their room had been Derek's now, and they had arranged their beds so that they slept head to head. He had woken up from a nightmare, and Danielle had turned onto her stomach to hold his hand. He was happy that his sister wasn't scared, or in pain, but what about him? He needed her to squeeze his hand, and tell him everything was alright, and there was no way for that to happen. He needed some comfort too. "Ready?"

"Ready." She jumps excitedly. Derek smiles, and they release their balloons. "Happy birthday! We love you!"

"We miss you, Dani." Derek says, feeling slightly better. They escape the cold, and head inside.

Later on, Derek is sitting in the living room with his family and Mark when Meredith rings the doorbell. He invites her in, and she hands him a gift he suspects is a record judging from its shape.

"Should I open it now?"

"Sure." She shrugs. "I had no idea what to get you. So, I'm sorry if it completely sucks."

"You didn't have to get me anything, so stop worrying." He had never known anyone who was as critical of themselves as Meredith. It was ridiculous, and drove him slightly crazy. He rips the thin paper off, revealing a classic Ray Abrams jazz record.

"The guy at the store said this one is pretty good." She smiled. "He plays the tenor saxophone, and lives in New York."

"Sounds familiar." Derek laughs at the similarities between himself and the artist. "Thank you."

"Happy birthday."

"I was looking for something to play during dinner."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

"Okay." She nods. "How's everything going?"

"It's up there with the birthday I had the chicken pox, but I'm trying." Derek sighs. "How about you?"

"Well, I'm not in Connecticut, so it could be worse."

"What are you talking about?"

"Did I not mention the boarding school my mother is threatening to send me to?"

"No." Derek shakes his head. "No, you didn't. I'm not about to let that happen."

"What are you talking about?"

"She can't just ship you off to live with hundreds of people you've never even met before."

"Actually, she can." Meredith argues. "She's my mother."

"Right."

"Let's not talk about it anymore."

"If she ever follows through on the threat, we'll ask if you can stay here."

"Derek..."

"What?" He asks. "Kathy's in college, and Nancy can share a room with Amy."

"If dying my hair pink doesn't get me shipped off, I don't know what will."

"Please, do not try to figure out what will."

"It's tempting, but I won't."

"Thank you." He says, and they make their way to the living room. Derek introduces her to everyone, and they sit at the far end of the large couch near Mark.

"It's too bad you don't have blue hair anymore, Kath." Nancy quips. He had really been hoping she'd come down with a sudden, yet severe, case of laryngitis. It hadn't happened, and now he was tempted to super glue her mouth shut. He loved her, but she never gave any thought to what she said to people. "She'd feel right at home."  
"I hope she feels at home, anyway." Carolyn says, subtlety apologizing for her daughter.

"You had blue hair?" Meredith asks Kathleen, who smirks. She had enjoyed the freedom that college had brought. Derek had known Meredith would immediately feel comfortable around Kathleen. Everyone did.

"It was the first semester of my freshman year of college." Kathleen explains. "Mom hated it, but it faded out a couple months later."

"All I said was that it washed out your eyes." Carolyn shrugs. "I did not hate it."

"She hated it." James laughs, and Carolyn lightly smacks his shoulder.

"Play with me." Amelia tugs at Meredith's hand.

"Ask nicely, Amelia." Carolyn scolds.

"Please?" Amelia asks sweetly, with a huge smile on her face.

"What are we going to play?"

"We're going to play with my dollies." Amelia tells Meredith as she directs her across the room to where her toys are.

"Can Derek play too?"

"But then Mark will have to play too."

"Why can't Mark play?"

"He's mean." Amelia gets a serious look on her face, that was also hilarious. "And stupid."

"Amelia Jean." James warns her, and she shows him the same smile she had given Meredith.

"It's not a secret, Daddy."

"That does not mean you call him names. Say you're sorry, or you can go to your room."

"Sorry."

"It's okay." Mark tells her. "Can I play?"

"Kay." Amelia agrees. "I'll be right back."

"You don't go to our school." Mark says to Meredith while Amelia runs upstairs.

"No, I don't."

"Then how did you meet this geek?" He elbows Derek, who had not mentioned anything about grief counseling to Mark.

"Don't call him names, or you'll get sent to your room." Meredith dismisses his question.

"Now say you're sorry." Derek grins, and then mouths the words thank you to Meredith.

"So sorry." Mark says sarcastically.

"What's Amelia's issue with you?"

"She thought her and Mark were going to live happily ever after like in 'Cinderella.' He let her down easy, but she's taking it pretty hard." Derek laughs, and Mark rolls his eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

_"But you went away. How dare you?"_

If there was anyone who Meredith knew for certain cared about her, it was her Aunt Margaret. Most of the time, Meredith wasn't sure how Margaret and Ellis were related, but she was grateful that they were. She was possibly the greatest person on the entire planet, and a had been a wonderful mother to Audrey. Her entire universe had revolved around Audrey, and it broke her heart that Margaret had lost her daughter. She had loved and appreciated Audrey, and what had she gotten in return? She had to watch her daughter suffer, and then die. Meanwhile, Meredith is completely healthy, and Ellis couldn't care less. It was crap. It was the reason she had agreed to help clean out Audrey's room, as difficult as it would be for her. She was sure that it was that much harder for her Aunt. Her Uncle had handled Audrey's death horribly, and no one had seen or heard from him since the funeral. It didn't surprise Meredith, but it made her want to be there for her Aunt even more because of it. She was all alone. Meredith wouldn't wish that on anyone.

"Anything you would like to keep, you can." Margaret tells her, placing items into a box.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Meredith asks her, not wanting to throw all of what remained of Audrey into boxes.

"I need to." Margaret sighs. "I can't keep looking at this."

"Okay." Meredith agrees, removing things from Audrey's desk.

"Thank you for your help, Meredith." Margaret lifts the box she was filling, and places it outside of the door.

"I..." Meredith's fingers run over one of Audrey's basketball trophies, and she carefully puts it into the box. "It's the least I could do."

"It's always so nice to have you over."

"Oh." Meredith breathes. She immediately feels like she could have spent more time with Aunt. "I'd be over more, but Mom's already on my case about my grades."

"She mentioned your grades the other day." Margaret shares. "You should be proud of yourself. Don't let her ruin it."

"Why is nothing ever good enough for her?"

"It's a vicious cycle." Margaret sighs. "She was the oldest, and our father was just as demanding."

"It's not an excuse."

"I'm not excusing her behavior." Margaret tells her, carrying out another box. "I'm just trying to help you understand."

"It was more of a rhetorical question." Meredith shrugs. "I will never understand her."

"You're smart to give up trying to understand your mother." Margaret laughs. "I should have a long time ago."

"How are you doing?" Meredith asks, opening the draw to the desk. "Are you okay?"

"I'm taking it one day at a time."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No, sweetheart." Margaret smiles. "Thank you, though."

"If you need anything..." Meredith starts to say, and finds a stacks of envelopes, held together with a rubber bands. Some were letters from Meredith when they were younger, and some looked to be from all over the United States and further. Audrey had told her about this, but she had never imagined it was this many letters. There were easily five hundred, or a little more. Audrey had wished to travel the world, and her english teacher had sent appeals to friends, and friends of friends, and so on. Audrey had received hundreds of pictures of the world she would never see in person. She had made a book of them, and had looked at them often. Meredith wondered where the book was. She wouldn't mind having it, or the letters she had sent to Audrey when she had been nine and Audrey eleven. Maybe what had brought comfort to Audrey would bring comfort to her. "Aunt Margaret?"

"Yes?" Margaret sits on Audrey's bed, and looks at an old yearbook of her daughter's.

"Do you know where the book of photographs Audrey was sent is?" Meredith sets the letters from her aside. She would put them with the ones she had from Audrey when she got home.

"Bottom drawer on the left." Margaret smiles. "Would you like it?"

"I think so." Meredith slides the book out from the drawer, and flips through it. After a few pages, Meredith places the book with her letters, and returns to work. Most of the room and closet is cleared within an hour, and Meredith stays for dinner before having to leave for counseling.

"You're welcome here anytime you would like, Meredith." Margaret reminds her as they are saying their goodbyes. "And if your mother gives you a hard time..."

"I don't care if she does." Meredith hugs her. "I'll be over a lot more."

"Glad to hear it." Margaret laughs. "I love you, and your cotton candy colored hair."

"Love you too." Meredith smiles, and walks out of the door Margaret holds open. "Bye, Aunt Margaret."

"Bye, Niece Meredith."

Meredith waves, and walks to counseling with book and letters in hand. She sits in front of the gym entrance, and looks at Audrey's book. At the end of it were pictures of Audrey with her parents, Meredith, and her friends. Audrey's friends were incredible. They would have done anything for her, and Audrey would have done anything for them. She was missed by so many now.

"What's with the book?" Derek asks, leaning over to attempt to read it.

"It was Audrey's." Meredith sighs. "We cleaned out her room today."

"Oh." He struggles with what to say. "Are you alright?"

"No." She closes her eyes, and he sits next to her. "So many people loved her. It should have been me."

"Don't ever say that again."

"I'm such a waste of space, and she wasn't."

"You are not a waste of space." He squeezes her arm.

"Sure."

"Audrey didn't think you were waste of space." He points to a picture of the two of them. "She would not have wanted you to go through what she did."

"You don't know that."

"Except that I do."

"You don't."

"Fine, I don't." Derek concedes. "I didn't know Audrey, but I know you. You're not a waste of space."

"How do I stop feeling like one?"

"Stop believing your miserable mother." He knows immediately who to blame.

"It's not that simple."

"I know." He says sweetly. "Just remind yourself that she's wrong."

"I can remind myself of that all I want, but her voice will still be there, in the back of my mind."

"Tell her to shut up."

"I'll do that." She laughs. "Why haven't you told Mark about counseling?"

"It's on a need to know basis." Derek shrugs. "He'd also want to come with me, and I wasn't ready for that."

"He's your best friend."

"I'll tell him eventually."


	9. Chapter 9

_"Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend."_

Geometry was usually one of his favorite subjects, but today he was distracted. It was Friday, and it wasn't his fault that Brianna Collins had decided to wear a short skirt and tights. Anyone who wore a skirt in the middle of February obviously wanted attention. It was mostly her fault his notes consisted of about three words that day. Derek didn't necessarily have feelings for her, but he did enjoy when she showed off her legs. They were nice legs, and he agreed that they shouldn't be hidden by much in the winter. She was also smarter than a majority of their class, which meant he could ask to copy her notes. The bell signaling the end of class rings, and he tries to decide what he is going to say to her while he gathers his notebook and textbook into his arms. He starts to walk towards her when she heads to the opposite side of the classroom. The only person still on that side of the room was Mark, and Derek decides to forget about talking to Brianna.

Out in the hallway, he is opening his locker when Mark and Brianna leave the classroom. She giggles, and Mark walks towards him.

"What tights mcgee want?" Derek asks, putting his things in his locker.

"To talk about Valentine's Day." Mark shrugs, and leans against the adjacent lockers.

Figures.

"Are you going to ask her out?"

"She implied that I should." Mark says, noticing the disappointment written all over Derek's face. "I might have considered it if I hadn't seen you staring at her throughout our entire class."

"I wasn't staring." Derek rolls his eyes.

"You weren't the only one." Mark laughs. "Her width and height prove that she is damn fine."

"Did you just make a geometry joke?"

"I did." Mark smirks. "Jones would be proud I actually used a proof."

Mark was such a closet geek.

"And such a true one." Derek takes his lunch from the shelf near the top. "She didn't see me staring, right?"

"Not unless she has eyes in the back of her head." Mark pushes him lightly on the shoulder.

"You could go out with her if you want to."

"Or you could." Mark suggests.

"She's completely out of my league."

"Maybe not." Mark shrugs. "She is a mathlete."

"A mathlete who puberty has been very good to." Derek reminds him. "Out of my league."

"You never know unless you ask."

"I'm not going to."

"Me either."

"Why the hell not?" Derek wonders. "She's into you. Go for it."

"There are plenty of other girls in this school who you don't have the hots for."

"I do not have the hots for her." Derek sighs. "My brain just sort of shuts down when I'm around girls like her. She is not that special."

"My boy's becoming a man." Mark puts him into a loose headlock. "I'm so proud."

"I hate you." Derek wrestles himself free. "You're really not going to ask her out?"

"Nah, I got a clingy vibe from her." Mark shudders as they walk to hall. "I also saw the look on your face when you thought I was going to."

"That was involuntary."

"Involuntary or not, you're my boy." Mark shrugs, and opens his locker. "I'm not doing that to you."

"You wouldn't be doing anything to me."

"Of course I wouldn't be." Mark shakes his head. "Let's go to lunch."

"You're an idiot."

"For?"

"Not jumping at the chance to be who every guy in our class would like to be."

"Says you." Mark scoffs. "Are you doing alright? We haven't really talked about anything."

"Mom badgered you for information, didn't she?"

"It isn't possible for me to genuinely be concerned?"

"Are you?"

"She didn't badger," Mark is honest, "and I didn't have any information to give."

"I'm getting there." Derek shrugs. "I try to tell myself that she didn't suffer.

"You're handling this a lot better than I thought you were."

"No, I'm not." Derek admits. "I'm going to grief counseling every week."

"That's where you met Meredith." Mark realizes. "Hey, you could go out with her."

"What?"

"I know she's a little young," they sit down at a free table in the cafeteria, "but trust me, she's going to be a knock out. She doesn't even know it."

"I haven't thought about her that way."

"You are now." Mark laughs, and sifts through his food, deciding what to eat.

"I am not."

"Yes, you are." Mark taunts him. "She's like twelve, you sick freak."

"She'll be fourteen in May," Derek throws his apple at him, "and I am not thinking about her like that."

"You two will be so freaking cute together."

"Shut the hell up."

"You can thank me later."

"For what?"

"Carpe the crap out of that diem, Derek." Mark tells him. "Otherwise she'll be another Brianna Collins."

"Things are fine just the way they are." Derek shakes his head. "I am not messing with it."

"It's your call," Mark agrees, "but you might want to kick your own ass in a year if you make the wrong one."

"I do not want it to turn into another Shauna Carson situation."

Shauna played the flute in band, and was his third official girlfriend, though the ones in junior high hardly counted. She threw a sheet music stand at him when he ended it. It was beyond awkward. While he considered that Mark had a point, he needed Meredith to remain his friend.

"Aside from the hilarious girl rage, what was so bad about her?"

"She was insane, and couldn't kiss for crap." Derek laughs. "Used way too much tongue."

"Then you tell her she does." Mark sighs. "Problem solved."

"I did tell her." Derek rolls his eyes. "She poured scalding hot tea on me."

"Oh, I forgot about that."

"I wish I could."

"So, you have a history of dating crazy." Mark says, eating his chips. "Meredith isn't crazy."

"Let it go." He knew Mark was mostly messing with him, but Mark had no idea that thoughts of being with Meredith had already crossed his mind a few times. Mark bringing it up was not helping him forget those thoughts.


	10. Chapter 10

_I need your counsel, thick as thieves. _

Ever since Ellis had hardwood floors installed in the brownstone, she had said they needed a piano to take advantage of the excellent acoustics the floors and high ceilings offered. It made no sense to Meredith, because neither of them could play a note, nor had they ever shown any interest in learning how. Regardless of those facts, Meredith was forced to stare at the piano that had been in her Aunt's house for years. Audrey had been able to bring the keys to life like no one Meredith had ever heard. It had been a pure and raw talent, and having to be constantly reminded that such a talent was gone pissed Meredith off. Having the piano sit in their living room, destined to collect dust, pissed her off. There wasn't much associated with her mother that didn't piss her off, but that was beside the point. The point was that Audrey would never play that piano again, and her mother had taken advantage of that, not the acoustics of their brownstone. She sits at the piano, and tries to remember anything Audrey may have taught her. After a couple of hours at the orthodontist, mindlessly playing piano keys was exactly what she needed. It was nice, but at the same time, she wouldn't mind turning the instrument into mulch with a sledgehammer. It did not belong in this house. The doorbell rings, distracting her from thoughts of pianocide. She is pleasantly surprised to see Derek on the other side of the door.

"Hey." She says, and he hands her one of her many winter hats.

"You forgot it in my Dad's truck last night." He smiles. They had sat in some traffic after counseling, leading to the hat being left on the seat. "I thought you might need it sooner rather than later."

She only had about fifty.

"Thank you." She puts the hat in the coat closet nearby. "You can come in and hang out if you'd like."

"I wish I could." He shakes his head, and puts his hands in the pockets of his tan jacket. "My Mom's working overnight, and there's a flu epidemic spreading among my Dad's employees. So, Nancy and I are babysitting Amy. Nancy will be on the phone the entire time probably."

She would have given anything for an older brother like Derek when she was Amy's age. He was great with her, and Amy adored him. She had never realized how different her life could be if she had siblings. After her and Ellis moved to Boston, her days of roaming the hospital unsupervised were over. The time she wasn't at school was spent with Nannies. "Need reinforcements?"

"Amy's a handful, but we'll be alright." Derek laughs. "I wouldn't mind having someone else besides my sisters around, though."

"I wouldn't mind being out of this house." Meredith grabs her coat and hat from the closet. Before she met Derek, she had welcomed being alone in her house. She had chosen to limit the people she let into her life for a reason, but Derek had brought her defenses down from the moment they first spoke. She couldn't explain it, but the best she could come up with was that he made her feel protected like no one else ever had. "I'm dangerously close to smashing the crap out of the piano in the living room."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"It represents everything that is unfair, and cruel."

"Okay." He shrugs while Meredith locks the door. "How?"

"It was my Aunt's, and Audrey played it." Meredith explains. "I came home last night, and there it was. My mother stole it."

"Are you sure your Aunt didn't let her have it?"

"It should be in my Aunt's house, or at least with someone who can play it."

"Oh, now I see what you're saying." Derek nods. "You could donate it to a school or something."

"She'd be pissed." Meredith grins. "I love it. Does your school need a piano for its music department?"

"I don't think so," Derek laughs, "but I'll check on Monday."

"Thank you." She says while they walk. "I feel much better knowing it'll be appreciated."

"Good."

"Now there's just the issue of moving the piano once it has a new owner."

"I'm pretty sure they'll send someone to come get it." Derek tells her. "You can make it a condition of the donation."

"What would I do without you?"

"Destroy perfectly good pianos."

"I could also donate it to a dance studio." Meredith considers, remembering what Derek had told her about Danielle. She wanted to thank him for being there for her over the past month. "Do they use pianos?"

"I'm not sure, but I don't think they would turn it down."

"Great." Meredith decides. "Is it alright if I donate it in memory of Danielle too?"

"I think I would be okay with that," Derek nods, "and I'll check with my Dad when we get to my house."

"Feel free to say if I am out of line."

"You're not." Derek smiles. "I like your idea."

"We'll see what your parents say."

"What if your Mom completely freaks when she notices the piano is gone?" Derek asks, looking from left to right before crossing the street with Meredith.

"The point is that she will freak out." Meredith laughs, but she can tell he is legitimately worried. "I'll tell her it had termites."

"Now I feel better."

"You had nothing to worry about." Meredith says after he breaths a sigh of relief.

"Donating the piano was my idea." Derek reminds her. "I'd be responsible..."

"Calm down." She says softly. "Everything will turn out fine."

"I'm perfectly calm."

"Sure you are." Meredith rolls her eyes, and they go down a flight of stairs to board the subway.

A short train ride later, they are a few blocks from Derek's house. They find James and Amelia in the kitchen when they walk inside. James is finishing the dishes, and Amy is sorting through her Valentines.

"Meredith!" Amelia yells, and runs to hug her. "Derek didn't say you were going to be here."

"It was a last minute decision." Meredith hugs her back. "I hope it's alright."

"Since Nancy will be here, I don't mind."

"Where is Nancy?" Derek asks, taking off his coat.

"Doing homework." James answers, and Derek scoffs. No one, especially Nancy, did homework on a Friday night. "Ames, I thought you were going to help me dry these dishes?"

"I'm looking at my Valentines, Daddy."

"I'm one of the people who decides how much of the candy from those Valentines you get to eat." James turns off the water. "You should help me."

"Derek will let me eat my candy."

"He won't if I tell him not to."

"Daddy..." She whines with a pout on her face.

"Amy..." He says in a similar tone.

"Dad, she isn't even as tall as the counter the dishes are on." Derek and Meredith down at the kitchen table.

"For that astute observation, you can take over." James tosses him a towel. "Amy can dry anything that isn't breakable. You dry the rest, and put them all away."

"Anything else?" Derek sighs, walking over to the sink.

"Dinner is in the oven."

"I can have my candy after I eat what Mommy cooked." Amelia grins, drying a plastic cup.

"You can have a couple of pieces." James corrects her, and says quietly to Derek, "I'd stick to the mostly chocolate stuff, or getting her to bed will be like wrestling an alligator."

"I'm staying up until Daddy gets home from work." Amelia nods, making Meredith laugh. This was going to be an interesting night.

"Nope, normal bedtime for you, Ames." James kisses her head. "I have to go. Goodnight, I love you."

"I love you too."

"Be good."

"I'll be good if you give me a piggy back ride."

"I can only give you one to the front door, okay?" He crouches down in front of her.

"Okay." She smiles, and she hops onto his back.

"Dad, how would you feel about Meredith donating a piano in memory of her cousin and Dani?"

"I really like the idea of that." He smiles. "I'll mention it to your Mom tomorrow."

"Great."

"I should be home around 11." James says to Meredith and Derek, and calls up the stairs, "Nance, I'm leaving."

"No, Daddy." Amelia starts to tear up.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ames."

"Daddy..."

"Come here, Am." Derek moves her to his back.

"I love you, Amy Bamy." James rubs her back, and opens the door.

"I love you too." She clings tightly to Derek.

"Have a good night." He leaves, and Amelia sulks.

"We're going to have fun, Am." Derek tickles her foot.

"I'm not ticklish right now." She kicks away her foot.

"Oh, really?" He swings her around, and tickles her stomach.

"Okay, I'm ticklish," She giggles, "but I still want Daddy to stay home."

"He has to work, Am."

"He's my best friend."

"I know, but we'll still have fun."

"Can we have a tea party?"

"We can have a tea party."

"Do you like tea parties, Meredith?"

"I do."

"Good."


	11. Chapter 11

_"But you came along, and you changed everything."_

After their tea party and dinner, they play with Amelia in her room. It was a lot like witnessing a tornado. One minute she wanted to play a card game, the next she wanted to play with her doll house. It was exhausting, but also made Derek laugh. She was like a living, breathing perpetual motion device. He turns to see Meredith smiling right along with him. He was accustomed to Amelia's mile a minute personality, but it overwhelmed most people. They didn't take the time to appreciate her, and Meredith was. It was nice to see.

"This is a very nice doll house, Amy." Meredith says, rearranging doll furniture to Amelia's liking. The mere fact that Amelia was allowing Meredith to call her Amy said something special.

"Thank you." Amelia nods. "My Daddy made it from a tiny, old bookshelf."

"What a great idea."

"Do you have a doll house?"

"I did when I was your age." Meredith shares. "My Dad gave it to me for my fifth birthday."

"What happened to it?"

"We've moved a few times since then." Meredith says. "I let another girl have it to play with."

"Did she take good care of it?"

"She did."

"Good." Amelia smiles. "Derek, that chair goes in this room."

"There's already an identical chair in that room, Am."

"That chair goes in the kitchen." Amelia giggles.

"How can you tell?" Derek shakes his head. "They look exactly the same."

"They're my chairs." Amelia explains. "I know which is which."

"Okay, Am." Derek obliges. "How did all of the furniture get out of the doll house anyway?"

"They had to get new furniture."

"Why?"

"Fire."

"Oh no."

"It's okay." Amy tells them. "The Mommy saved the baby and the Daddy."

"She's one brave Mommy." Meredith laughs. "How did she save them?"

"Well, the Daddy and baby were trapped in the baby's room. The Mommy kicked the door open." Where she came up with this stuff, Derek would never know.

"There aren't any doors in this doll house." Derek notices, and Amelia frowns.

"Derek..." Meredith elbows him in the side.

"Did the firemen have to knock them all down to put out the fire?" Derek asks his sister, making her smile again.

"Uh huh." Amelia hands them each a plastic doll. "I'll be the baby, Meredith will be the Mommy, and Derek, you're the Daddy."

"I'll try not to get trapped in the baby's room." Derek smirks, and Meredith shakes her head.

"If you do, I'll save you." Meredith laughs.

"And the baby too?" Derek jokes.

"The baby gets saved first." Meredith gets a snarky smile on her face. Something about it makes his heart race. He coughs, trying to mask catching his breath.

"The Daddy and baby get saved together." Amelia orders, placing the plastic baby in her tiny crib.

"Together." Meredith agrees, having the Mommy doll pat the baby doll's back. "Let's hope there isn't a fire tonight."

"The house is fireproof now." Amelia decides. "No more fires. And it's the morning for them. The baby just woke up. Mommy..."

"Uh." Meredith cannot decide what to say. "Good morning. How are you?"

"Hungry."

"Time for breakfast?"

"French toast, please."

"She's a baby..." Derek comments, while Amelia and Meredith move their dolls.

"It's her favorite." Amelia giggles.

"Yeah, and the Daddy is cooking, because the Mommy has no idea how to make french toast." Meredith adds.

"I think you use eggs." Derek laughs. "French toast, coming right up."

"Make sure you use cin'min." Amelia reminds him.

"Cinnamon? Sure."

"Thank you."

"Everything alright in here?" Nancy stands in the doorway.

"We're playing with my doll house." Amelia reports. "Want to play, Nance?"

"Not right now, Am." Nancy turns, and walks away.

"My name is Amelia." Amelia grumbles.

"French toast is ready." Derek tells her, and she shrugs.

"Nancy never wants to play with me."

"We're playing with you." Derek says sweetly. He did not handle it well when any of his sisters were sad.

"Can we play hide and seek now?" Amelia asks, no longer interested in playing with the doll house.

"Sure."

"Not it." She giggles, and runs out of the room.

"Stay inside the house, Amy." Derek calls after her.

"So, are you it, or am I?" Meredith asks, and Derek shrugs.

"Meredith, I'll show you the best hiding spot!" They hear Amy yell, answering their question.

"I guess I'll start counting." Derek laughs, and Meredith stands up. "Thank you for being so nice to her."

"She's an awesome kid." Meredith shrugs. "Now count, and no peeking."

"Are you calling me a cheater?"

"How would I know if you aren't?"

"Meredith..." Amy runs back into the room. "...did you hear me?"

"Let's go hide." Meredith takes Amelia's hand, and they run off. He gives them a few seconds, and begins counting to thirty. He knows exactly where they'll be hiding, but he humors Amelia anyway. He looks other places, and then makes his way up the stairs to the attic. The old steps creak, and he can hear Meredith and Amelia.

"Shh!" Amelia attempts to whisper. She hadn't exactly gotten the hang of it, and he was fairly certain she never would. "I think Derek found us."

"Shh!" Meredith says, making Amelia giggle. Derek stops midway up the stairs, wanting to surprise them. It's silent for a few moments, and Derek savors it. His house was typically the opposite of silent. "I think we're okay."

"Derek hasn't found us?" Amelia asks. He isn't sure why, but he doesn't move.

"I don't think so." Meredith says. "I haven't heard anything."

"Are you going to marry Derek?"

If his family didn't learn to keep their gigantic mouths shut, he wasn't ever going to marry anyone.

"I have no idea, Amy." Meredith laughs. "I'm not even in high school."

"I think you'll marry him, and then I'll have a real sister again!"

"You have real sisters."

"Kathy moved away, and Nancy sucks, and Dani..."

"I know." Derek can see the silhouettes of his sister and friend embrace. "I don't have to marry Derek to be your sister."

"Really?" Amelia seems unconvinced. "You should marry him anyway."

"If you say so."

"Derek's other girlfriends were lame."

Thanks, Amy.

"I'm not his girlfriend." Meredith giggles. "I'm just his friend."

"What is he waiting for?"

"You'll have to ask him."

"Would you be his girlfriend?"

Why did Amy have to be five going on twenty? Oh, right, his other sisters.

"I..." Meredith pauses. He needed to end this conversation now. He did not want to hear her answer.

"Is someone hiding up here?" Derek says, loudly climbing the remaining stairs. He turns the corner, and sees Meredith and Amelia underneath his grandmother kitchen table. "There you guys are."

"You found us."

"I'll be it." Amelia slides out from under the table. "Hide with Meredith, Derek."

"Okay, Am." Derek shakes his head. Meredith laughs, and he helps her up from the floor.

"Is she seriously only five?"

"If I didn't know it to be fact, I wouldn't believe it either."

They leave the attic, and help Amelia get ready for bed shortly after. He doesn't know if she wants to be his girlfriend, but she lets him hold her hand while they watch a movie, and again in his Dad's truck when they drive her home. He's pretty sure his Dad notices, but he doesn't say anything.


	12. Chapter 12

**May, 1982**

There was still more than a month remaining in the school year, but she was already counting the days until summer vacation. She enjoyed school, but could do without the exams and other work that came along with it. She was on track to shove straight As in her mother's face, but the history essay she was struggling to write may kill that dream. It may also kill her in the process. It didn't help that Derek had finished his homework an hour before, and was asleep on the couch across from her. He was very distracting in his peaceful state. He was distracting in most states, actually. She had been trying to understand why for months, and she was at a loss. She didn't like that. She also didn't like that he got to sleep while she was still attempting to write this damn essay. She tosses a pillow at him, and he stirs. His eyes open, and he frowns. He throws the pillow back at her, and she dodges it.

"I thought you said you were sleeping better." Meredith sighs, looking down at her unfinished essay. He was the single most infuriating person on the planet. As if she couldn't tell by now when he was exhausted and sleep deprived.

"I am." He sits up, and rubs his face with his hands. "It was just so quiet. You know I'm not used to that."

"Your family is...overwhelming." Meredith laughs, writing a few words down.

"That's a nice way to put it." Derek shrugs. "How long was I asleep for?"

"About an hour."

"And you're still writing that essay?" He teases, and she rolls her eyes.

"I'm almost finished."

"What is it on, anyway?"

"World War II." Meredith sighs. "German U-Boats and the British Supply Convoys."

"Did you write about Roosevelt and Churchill?"

"I did not." Meredith smiles. "That will give me a few more paragraphs."

"You're welcome." Derek smirks, and Meredith shakes her head. Sometimes he confused the hell out her. There was something about the way he looked at her when he teased her. It was not the way friends looked at each other, that much she was sure of. She wasn't even sure if he knew the way he looked at her. She wondered if she looked at him the same way. Everyone else seemed to think they should be a couple, but neither of them had brought it up. Even after the few times they almost kissed. It wasn't what either of them needed right now.

"Yes, I never would have finished this without your help."

"It would have taken you much longer." He shrugs. "Possibly hours longer."

"I am not giving you the satisfaction of admitting that."

"I want the satisfaction of seeing your mother open your next report card."

"Me too." Meredith sighs. "We still have a ways to go."

"Only a few more weeks."

"I wish I could snap my fingers, and have it be summer."

"I didn't think you would want to take the easy way out."

"I don't, but this semester..."

"Will be worth it to see the look on your mother's face."

"I think you're more excited than I am."

"Only because you hardly get excited about anything."

"I get excited about things..."

"You're not even excited about your birthday."

"Says the one who wasn't excited about his either." Meredith reminds him. "No room to talk."

"Meredith, could I talk to you for a second?" Her Aunt Margaret walks into the living room, and motioning her hand in a way that implied she wanted to speak in another room. When Nancy started having her obnoxious friends over the Shepherd's house, they had taken to spending time at Margaret's after school. Margaret had immediately liked Derek, and Mark had even joined them a few times before his baseball season had started. Margaret was more than used to having Derek around, so it was strange that she wanted to speak privately. She was going to tell Derek whatever was said anyway.

"Sure." Meredith places her pen down on her notebook.

"I might be moving." Margaret says once they are in her den.

"You've said this place is too big now..." Meredith nods, unsure of where her Aunt was going with this conversation.

"I've been offered a job in Houston, Meredith."

"As in Texas?" Meredith asks for confirmation. "You're considering moving to Texas?"

"Texas Southern University offered me a position."

"It's so far away..." Meredith says, attempting to process what she had just been told.

"There isn't much left for me here."

"I'm here." The words escape from Meredith's mouth without her wanting them to.

"I would take you with me if I could," Margaret hugs her, "but your mother would probably have me arrested."

"Sounds like something she would do."

"I haven't decided anything yet."

"When do you have to make a decision by?"

"I have a few weeks."

"I'm not being biased at all, but I've heard Texas smells like cow crap."

"Even the cities?" Margaret laughs. "I doubt that."

"Someone should warn you."

"I've done some research, and Texas is a very nice place to live."

She had done research? This day officially blew.

"If you like the desert..."

"Meredith..."

"I'm just saying."

"I know."

"I need a minute to process this." Meredith shakes her head, and walks back into the living room.

"Everything alright?" Derek looks at her with concern, and she grumbles.

"We're going for a walk."

"Okay..." He seems confused, but agrees anyway. He waits until they are outside, and says, "Are you alright?"

"No."

"What happened?"

"My Aunt is moving to freaking Texas."

"That seems sudden."

"Some university offered her a job."

"And she's just telling you this now?"

"She says she hasn't made a decision yet."

"Oh, so they probably just offered her the job."

"The job she's going to take, and move to Texas for..."

"You don't know that yet."

"Except that I do."

"Meredith..." He says sweetly. He somehow was able to make her name a convincing argument. She didn't like that either.

"Don't." She warns him, and he sighs.

"Okay." He smiles, and takes her hand. He did this a lot lately. Add it to the list of ways he confused her. Although it wasn't like she pulled her hand away, or anything. Sue her for wanting to feel comforted.

"Next thing I know you're going to tell me you're moving to Australia or something."

"I'm not moving to Australia."

"You say that now, but a couple months from now some amazing school there wants you, and you're gone."

"That is beyond unlikely." Derek tells her. "Besides, unless my family, you and Mark can come with, fictitious Australian school can piss off."

"I don't believe you."

"You should."

"Everyone is leaving, and nothing is the same."

"I'm not going anywhere," Derek squeezes her hand, "and neither is your Aunt."

"We'll see about that."

"We'll see me be right."

"You're ridiculous."

"You're the one who hangs out with me."

"My questionable judgment has already been established."

"Mmhm." Derek nods and smiles.


	13. Chapter 13

_"Storms never come to stay. They just show us how bad we need each other."_

With everyone in his family having such different schedules, it wasn't too often that they were able to eat meals together. Even on the weekends; it didn't happen as much as they would like it to. Somehow it had worked out this morning, and they were seated around the dining room table. Kathleen was home for the summer, and it was the first time since Danielle had passed away that it hadn't felt strange to have his remaining family together.

"Nancy is up before noon on a Saturday?" Kathleen comments when Nancy sits down at the table in her pajamas. "My mind is blown."

"It doesn't take much for that to happen." Nancy jokes.

"Why aren't you hibernating your ugly face away?" Kathleen glares.

"I have a job interview."

"This is just too much to handle this early..." Kathleen shakes her head.

"What time is your interview?" James asks, putting food onto Amelia's plate.

"11."

"Better start picking out what you're going to wear now..." Derek checks his watch, and laughs.

"You cannot say things like that when I'm eating." Kathleen says. "I will choke."

"I chose what I'm going to wear last night."

"You have to wonder who would consider hiring Nancy." Mark says, and Nancy kicks him under the table.

"Enough." Carolyn warns, and they drop it for the moment. "Anyone would be lucky to have her as an employee."

"Thank you."

"She's your mother, Nance." Kathleen reminds her. "She has to say that."

"We're done with this conversation." James tells them all.

"She makes it so easy..." Kathleen shrugs, eating her breakfast.

"Talk about something else."

"I get to see all the animals at the zoo today!" Amelia beams with excitement.

"I wish I didn't have to work." James sighs, and sips his coffee. They had been promising Amelia for months that they would take her to the zoo, but between school and work, it had proved difficult.

"It's okay, Daddy." Amelia puts a hand on his shoulder. "Mommy and Aunt Jeanie will take lots of pictures."

"I have my camera all ready."

"Andrew Hawkley said he saw the bears fight when he went to the zoo." Amelia rambles on. "I hope they fight for us."

"You do?"

"It'd be so awesome!" Amelia fidgets in her chair. "Or maybe the lions will fight!"

"Now that would be awesome." Kathleen laughs, and Amelia roars.

"You should come, Kath!" Amelia decides.

"I think I will." Kathleen agrees, pouring herself some orange juice.

"Yay!" Amelia practically jumps out of her chair. "You'll see the lions and bears fight."

"Why do they have to fight?" Carolyn wonders.

"They're zoo animals, Mommy." Amelia tells her. "Zoo animals fight."

"Well, by that definition, you and your brother and sisters are zoo animals."

"Derek's room does smell like a zoo." Nancy quips, making Amelia giggle.

"And you look like a monkey, so..." Derek shrugs, and continues to eat.

Amelia makes monkey noises, and high fives Derek.

"These cannot be my children..." Carolyn sighs, and James laughs.

"I still have the receipts if you want to exchange them." James smiles, and Kathleen scoffs.

"Daddy!" Amelia is hurt by his words.

"I'm kidding, Ames." He wipes her cheek with a napkin. "We wouldn't trade any of you for the world."

"Even Nance?" Kathleen asks, smiling at her sister.

"Kathleen Evelyn..."

"Alright, James Christopher." Kathleen sighs. "You didn't need to break out the middle name."

"Neither did you, young lady." He shakes his head. "I don't care if you're 19."

"Derek and Mark can come to the zoo too." Amelia decides.

"Sorry, Am." Derek sighs. "We have that shed in the back yard to finish."

"They're trusting you two with power tools?" Nancy questions.

"This is why emergency rooms exist." Kathleen agrees.

"How'd you get that scar on your arm again, Kath?"

"I slipped on black ice."

"Right..." Derek laughs. He knew she had actually jumped from a car after a party last March. Her friends had dropped her off, and Derek had seen her out of his bedroom window. Thankfully, she hadn't broken any bones, and the cuts were easily explained. He enjoyed reminding her of the truth, though.

"No power tools will be necessary." Carolyn looks between Derek and Mark.

"Anything that could do some real damage is well hidden." James assures her, and kisses her on the temple.

"But Nancy and I wanted to see who would cut off a hand first." Kathleen whines.

"My money would have been on Mark." Nancy adds, feigning sadness.

"You don't have any money." Mark says scornfully.

"As far as you know..."

"Derek would have lost a hand first, anyway."

"No one will be losing anything..."

"Marie Connor might be losing something tonight." Mark says suggestively. "If you know what I mean."

"Mark." James attempts to say sternly. "Inappropriate."

"When is Aunt Jeanie going to get here?" Amelia asks impatiently.

"She's on her way." Carolyn answers. "She'll be here soon."

"Which one is Aunt Jeanie again?" Mark wonders. With Derek having twelve aunts, it was a little hard for Mark to place all of them.

"She's the one who likes to sing her answering machine's outgoing message." Kathleen laughs, and starts to sing. "You've reached Mike and Jeanie Jones."

"We're unable to pick up our phones." Derek finishes the song his aunt had written shortly after getting her answering machine that previous Christmas.

"Once she realized Jones rhymed with phones, we were all doomed." James sighs.

"Because the songs you wrote while in the service were Billboard classics." Carolyn defends her sister.

"I wrote a majority of those songs about you, dear." James smiles at her.

"And what were the other songs written about?"

"Does it matter?"

"Not really."

"Aunt Jeanie is also the one who has that cabin on Lake George." Derek tells Mark.

"Oh, her."

"You boys remember that cabin?"

"I remember Derek almost drowning." Mark chuckles at the memory.

"Meredith and I saw an add for Lake George when we walked by a travel agency yesterday." Derek shrugs. "It sparked my memory."

"You two go for romantic walks now?" Kathleen smirks.

"There is nothing romantic about them."

"They hold hands." Mark tells her.

"Oh, man." Kathleen laughs, teasing him. "What else happens on these walks?"

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G." Amelia spells, and giggles.

"It does not." Derek snaps.

"It's Derek's business." James reminds them.

"Yeah, stay out of it." Derek begs his sisters.

"Just don't do anything stupid."

"It's hard to stay out of his business when you're having the talk right in front of us." Kathleen says to James.

"That was not the talk." Derek puts his head in his hands, wanting anything else to be discussed.

"Please, it was obvious he was telling you to be careful not to make babies when you..." Mark laughs, and Derek pushes him before he can finish his sentence.

"How would Derek make babies?" Amelia wonders, officially making it the most uncomfortable conversation ever.

"Mark is an idiot." Derek says with his face still buried.

"Uh huh." Amelia nods. "You're not married; you can't make babies if you're not married."

"Wait until she gets better at math, and figures out Mom and Dad were married six months before Kath was born." Nancy snickers under her breath.

"We have a lot of work to do." Derek pushes his chair away from the table, and takes his plate into the kitchen.

"Might as well get started before it's hotter than hell out there." Mark shrugs, and follows Derek.

"Mark said a bad word!" Amelia tattles on him.

"It isn't a bad word in the context I used it in, Ames." Mark argues from the kitchen.

"Amelia." She sighs. "Is it so hard to call me Amelia?"

"Yes!"

Later that afternoon, Mark and Derek are hammering shingles to the roof of the shed when Meredith opens the gate to the backyard.

"And here's the part where Derek ditches me to not make out with the girl who isn't his girlfriend." Mark tosses his hat to the ground. "Awesome."

"Derek, push him off that roof."

"Whoa, a whole eight feet." Mark shakes his hands in pretend fear. "How would I survive?"

"Tuck and roll, Mark." Derek moves toward Mark, and acts like he is going to push him off. "What's up, Mer?"

"She's moving to Houston."

"I thought she wasn't making a decision yet?"

"I guess that was a bunch a bullshit."

"Language, Grey." Mark scolds her, continuing to work on the roof.

"Kiss my ass, Mark."

"I'll pass." Mark shrugs, and she rolls her eyes.

"When is she moving?"

"The end of June."

"Who's moving?" Mark asks, looking up at Derek.

"My Aunt Margaret." Meredith climbs the ladder, and sits on the roof with them.

"No." Mark throws his head back in anger. "I'll have to hang out here. With Nancy's bitchy friends."

"Yes, this is horrible for you." Derek shakes his head at Mark, and sits next to Meredith.

"I shouldn't be anywhere near a hammer right now." Meredith admits, leaning into him. He lets the one in his hand fall to the ground.

"It'll be okay." He wraps his arm around her.

"Get a room." Mark gags from behind them.

"But you were so adamant about me not ditching you."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: There is some mild violence toward the end of this chapter. **

_"Do you know what kind of miracle it is that Derek is who he is? Do you know how rare it is that someone like him even exists?" _

They hold onto Amelia's small hands while they walk to James' store with dinner. They lift her over the cracks in the sidewalk, and she swings her legs. She begs them to swing her higher, and they happily oblige.

"See, Derek? I'm not weird." Amelia grins, jumping and swinging her feet. "Meredith doesn't like Chinese food either."

"You're both weird." Derek sticks his tongue out at his sister. "Chinese food is a vital component of the New York food pyramid."

"I cannot handle all that sesame oil, and soy sauce." Meredith shakes her head. "It's disgusting."

"It's delicious." Derek gazes over at her. "You two don't know what you're missing."

"We'll take our subs, thank you."

"Suit yourselves." Derek shrugs, and Amelia laughs.

"Girls don't wear suits." Amelia tells him innocently. "We'll...gown ourselves!"

"It's an expression, Amy." Derek smiles. "And girls can wear suits if they want to."

"But gowns and dresses are so pretty."

"Yes, we all know how much you love your gowns and dresses." Derek says, and Amelia goes into a giggle fit about something only she knew. "What is so funny?"

"Meredith is taller than you." Amelia continues to giggle. Meredith hadn't noticed, but it was true. In the past couple of months, she had grown slightly taller than him.

"I haven't hit my growth spurt yet." Derek shrugs, embarrassed. She didn't think he needed to be. He was only a freshman in high school, and she was taller than other boys around his age. It really wasn't a big deal.

"Don't worry, Derek." Amelia nods. "You won't be a shrimp forever. Daddy's tall, so you'll be tall too."

"Thanks, Amy." Derek sighs, and opens the door to the store. The bell rings, and Derek yells, "Dinner is served, boss."

"I'm starved." James laughs from behind the counter. "What took you guys so long?"

"We had to go to two different places, because some people don't like Chinese food."

"Some people could have gotten subs." Meredith argues, and he rolls his eyes.

"When you want Chinese food, you want Chinese food." Derek places his bag on the counter.

"Exactly." James agrees. "Thanks for picking up the food, guys."

"Here's your change, Daddy." Amelia hands him the money Derek had let her carry in her pocket.

"I'll tell you what." He places the loose change in her hand. "You can keep this."

"I can?!"

"You can." He smiles, and she places the coins into her pocket.

"Daddy, they have horses that pull carriages through the park." Amelia shares with him. "Carriages like in Cinderella. Meredith told me."

"Really?" He lifts her up onto the counter, acting surprised. "We'll have to arrange one for you, your highness."

"Can I keep the carriage and horses after?"

"Sorry, princess." James tells her. "Their home is Central Park."

"I'll visit them."

"Okay." James nods, pulling his chop sticks apart.

"Oh, shoot." Amelia pouts. "I forgot about the chop sticks. Did they give you any more?"

"They always give us extra." Derek laughs, eating his Lo Mein. "You'll be able to treat us to an Amy drum solo."

"Yes!" She pumps her fist, and opens her sub. "Can I have a real drum set?"

"Maybe when you're bigger."

"That's after I move out, right?" Derek jokes, opening his water.

"You can hope." James smirks. "Are you going to go to Mark's game?"

"I'm fine here." Derek shrugs, and looks at Meredith. "Do you want to go?"

"I could miss it." Meredith admits. "I'm not the biggest baseball fan."

"Calling that baseball is being generous."

"You're only saying that because those guys are...jerks." Meredith chooses the word she says carefully.

"Which guys?" James turns to Derek.

"A few guys on the team like to give Derek a hard time." Meredith says, and Derek throws her an angry look.

"Meredith..."

"Want me to teach them not to mess with my kid?"

"I'd be the guy who went crying to his dad."

"You're not crying."

"It's really not necessary."

"It kind of is."

"Why?"

"Because I want to beat some sense into them, and I can't." James sighs. "Someone should, though."

"Mark offered, but Derek told him not to."

"They don't understand why he's friends with me."

"They probably never will." James shrugs. "It's their loss."

"I'll beat them up for you, Derek." Amelia offers.

"Thanks, Amy."

"Mark and I will help you, Am." Meredith smiles.

"You make it sound like I can't defend myself."

"You can." Meredith shakes her head. "You're just annoying, and choose to not defend yourself."

"You're annoying."

"You're both particularly annoying when you argue." James ends the argument.

"Thanks, Dad." Derek sighs. "I feel the love."

"I love you more than know, buddy."

"Me too." Amelia nods. "Right, Daddy?"

"Right."

A short while after they have finished eating, they are sitting behind the counter, discussing ways to ruin the lives of the guys who pick on Derek. Any plans would most likely never come to fruition, but it was fun to think about. She wished he could see himself the way she does.

"Can you braid my hair?" Amelia asks Meredith, interrupting her thoughts.

"Sure." Meredith says, and Amelia sits in front of her.

"Did your Mommy teach you how to braid hair?" Amelia wonders, and Derek laughs.

"I kind of just figured it out on my own."

"I'm getting better at it, but I still need to practice."

"You can practice on my hair once I'm finished if you'd like."

"You're the best."

"If you say so."

"How much do towns cost?" Amelia rolls the coins James had given her along the floor boards.

"I'm guessing a lot." Derek shrugs. "Why?"

"I want to buy one." Amelia answers. "That way I could have my own horses and carriages, because the park would be mine."

"You could be Mayor..." Meredith suggests.

"Or queen." Amelia corrects her.

"Kingdoms have queens." Derek tells her. "Not towns."

"It can be a town if I say it is."

"Okay."

"What would you name your town?"

"I don't know." Amelia shakes her head. "It needs my name in it, though."

"Ameliaville?" Derek suggests, and Amelia does not like it.

"That's not it."

"Amyapolis?"

"Nope."

"San Amytonio?"

"I got it." Meredith tells him. "Buenos Amy."

"I like that one!"

"I should have thought internationally." Derek sighs, and the bell above the door rings.

"Derek, can you get me some paper for the cash register?" James calls, and Derek stands up.

"Yeah." Derek walks back toward the supply closet.

"We'll be needing all the money in that register." Meredith hears a man say to James.

"Take it." He opens the register, and raises his arms. He backs away slowly, and she barely notices Derek materialize next to her a few moments later.

"Derek..." Amelia says to him, scared and realizing what was happening.

"Shh." He puts a finger to his lips. "It'll be okay. Let's move back there."

They quietly follow Derek away from what she could now see was two men, one of which was holding a gun.

"That's a nice watch." The man with the gun comments.

"Thank you." James smiles. "You have the money. You should leave before the police get here."

"I believe my friend wants your watch." The second man laughs.

"He can't have it." James raises his voice, and Amelia moves closer to Derek. "Now leave."

"You're not understanding." The man presses the gun against James' forehead. "I'm not leaving without that watch."

"A 22?" James somehow laughs. "Did you steal that from some girl's purse?"

"You think this is funny?" The man yells. "I heard you talking to somebody when we walked in. How about I find him, and ask him how funny he thinks it is?"

"He's called the called the police, and is long gone by now."

"Please, tell me you called the cops while you were in the back." Meredith whispers to Derek, and he nods.

"We'll see about that." The man turns, and James uses the opportunity to knock the gun out of his hand. What he doesn't anticipate is the other man pulling another gun out from his back, and pulling the trigger. She hears the gun fire, and James falls to where she cannot see him. Amelia lunges forward, but Derek grabs her, and covers her mouth. Tears were rolling down her face onto his hand. She cannot process anything they say, but the men leave as sirens become louder, and Derek loosens his hold on Amelia.

"Daddy!" Amelia runs to where James had fallen. They follow her, and her worst fears are confirmed. He wasn't moving, and there was more blood on the tile than she had ever seen in her life. Amelia clings to James, willing him to regain consciousness. She pleas to Meredith and Derek, "Help him!"

Derek kneels down next to her, pressing a couple of fingers to James' neck. "Am..."

"Help him." Amelia begs, laying her head on her father's chest. "You said everything would be okay!"

"The paramedics will help him when they get here." Derek explains, and lifts her up. The look in his eyes disagreed with what he was saying, and Meredith knew nothing could be done.


	15. Chapter 15

_"You never know what temporal days may bring. Laugh, love, live free, and sing."_

They sit on the curb outside of the store, surrounded by several police cars and an ambulance. Red and blue lights reflect off of everything in slight, and it all felt so surreal. People in uniforms rushed in and out of the store, making him feel dizzy every time he watched them. One of the police officers - the one they had given their statements to - was walking over to them, and Derek knew what he was going to say. He was going to reassure them that the paramedics were doing all they could for his father, even though everyone but Amelia knew it to be a lie. The ambulance would take his father to a hospital, but it wouldn't be for treatment. The officer was simply reluctant to say anything to them about it until his mother was there. He was living a nightmare. There was no other way to describe it.

"They're doing everything they can." Lieutenant Harrison kneels down in front of them, and gives them a sympathetic smile.

"Where's Mommy?" Amelia asks, leaning on Derek.

"A couple of officers like me are picking her up at the VA, and bringing her here."

"Why isn't she just meeting us at the hospital?" Derek questions. He was getting irritated by the officers withholding information from them. The ambulance would have left a while ago if there had been any hope for his father. "It seems like that would make more sense."

"She asked to be brought here."

Derek hated to think about his mother being alone, having to hear about what had happened from complete strangers. There is a bit of a commotion at the perimeter the police had set up, and for whatever reason, Meredith runs towards it. After a second glance, Derek realizes why. Mark was standing on the other side of the yellow tape. He was arguing with a couple of officers, and had thrown his baseball bag to the ground. Derek leads Amelia over towards them, with Lieutenant Harrison following behind, and he hears Meredith diffusing the situation. "He isn't lying. He's family. Please, let him in."

"It's alright, Tom." Lieutenant Harrison lifts the tape, allowing Mark to duck underneath it. Static filled words sound through his radio, and he excuses himself before walking away.

"What happened?" Mark stares at them, his eyes full of worry. He must have headed to the store after his game, wondering why they hadn't gone.

"The store was robbed, and they shot him."

"Shot who?" Mark wonders, still confused by the chaotic scene he never could have expected to find.

"My Dad." Derek says softly. Every time he said it, the reality of the situation hurt him that much more. "They shot him for his watch."

"Who does that?" Mark raises his voice. "Is he alright?"

"They won't tell us." Derek motions his head toward Amelia, reminding Mark that she was there.

"Where's your Mom...and Kathy, and Nance?"

"Mom's on her way." Derek sighs. "I have no idea where Kathy and Nancy are."

They sit back down on the curb, and wait for his mother. When she arrives, the officers escorting her attempt to usher her to the ambulance, but she makes a bee line for the four of them. She holds him and Amelia close.

"I was so worried." She whispers to them, running a hand over the back of his head. "Mark, I thought you had a game?"

"I walked here after..." He says as she hugs him tightly.

"I am so sorry." Meredith blurts out. "I keep going over everything in my head, trying to think of something I could have done differently."

"Shh." Carolyn wraps her arms around her. "There was nothing any of you could have done. You're safe; that's what matters."

"Mrs. Shepherd..." An officer behind her says, and she nods.

"I'll be right back." She tells them, and walks over to the ambulance. Derek is torn between being there for his mother, and giving her privacy. He decides to give her a few minutes, and then join her.

"Stay with Mark and Meredith, Am." Derek instructs, but Amelia wants none of it.

"Why?"

"Because I'm asking you to."

"Fine." She sighs, and Derek makes his way over to the ambulance. He climbs in, and sees her sitting next to his father, holding his hand to her cheek. She is whispering, and it becomes too much. He should have stayed where he was.

"What are we going to do?" Tears begin to form in his eyes. He blinks them away while she kisses his father's hand, and moves closer to Derek.

"We'll figure it out." She takes a deep breath, and he rests her head on her shoulder. "We always do."

"We do."

"Let's go home." She tells him. "Kathleen is picking up Nancy at work, and I just want to be home."

"Do they know?"

"I'm going to tell your sisters together."

"Okay." Derek nods, and an officer follows them out of the ambulance.

"Officer Williams is going to take us home." Carolyn says to Mark, Meredith and Amelia. They file into the squad car, and leave the chaos behind them.

"Is Daddy dead?" Amelia asks, breaking the silence.

"Amelia..." Carolyn begins to say.

"Don't lie to me." Amelia interrupts her. "Don't."

"I'm not going to, sweetheart." Carolyn agrees. "He passed away."

"But he's my Daddy." Amelia says sadly, and Carolyn quietly comforts her.

"I will kill the bastards that did this." Mark angrily announces. He was hurting, and Derek understood it. His parents had practically raised Mark. He had lost someone too. They all had. It was something he hadn't paid attention to when Danielle had passed, and he would not make that mistake again.

"I won't see you reduced to that." Carolyn tells Mark. "I won't. Do you hear me?"

"I hear you."

"That goes for all of you." Carolyn says. "Understood?"

"Understood."


	16. Chapter 16

_"We either adapt to change, or we get left behind."_

With everything going on his life at the moment, she does not expect to hear much from Derek. His family needs him, and Meredith understands that. She figures he might need some space, and accepts that he might even be a completely different person now. She felt like a different person, so it seemed plausible. She considers the possibility of never seeing him again, but he calls her a few days later while she is at her aunt's.

"Hey, how are you doing?" She says when Margaret hands her the phone.

"I'm hanging in there." He tells her. She had to admit that it was nice to hear his voice.

"How's everyone else?"

"Quiet."

"Even Amy?"

"Well, not so much Amy, but the rest of them." Derek laughs. "It's weird."

"I bet."

"So, the wake will be Friday night, and the funeral will be Saturday morning."

"What time?"

"The wake is at 6, and the funeral is at 8." Derek draws in a deep breath. He sounded so overwhelmed. "Mer, I don't think I can do this without you."

"You could."

"Okay, but I don't want to."

"You won't have to." She promises. "I'll be there."

"Thank you." He says softly, and she can hear Kathleen mumble something to him in the background. All of his frustration shows when he yells at her, "Alright!"

"Do you need to go?"

"My sister's need for a pizza is more important than any conversation I may be having."

"Meredith, you don't understand that Mom loaned my car to Uncle Whatshisname, and I have no means of transportation to bring food into this barren wasteland that has become our house!" Kathleen explains. "And Mark and Derek keep eating everything people bring us! They're like evil, little garbage disposals."

"Go away." He sighs at Kathleen. "You could walk to get food. Like people did in ancient times."

"My sweatpants forbid me from walking long distances while wearing them." She supposed it was a good thing that Kathleen was acting more like herself, but poor Derek. "They were very explicit about that."

"I am on the phone!"

"There is literally no food in this house!"

"Your body could live off of the fat in your butt alone!" Meredith hears Nancy yell. How Derek had survived fifteen years with his sisters, she would never know.

"Take a look in the mirror..." Kathleen's voice trails off, following Nancy out of the room.

"You should go." Meredith suggests to Derek.

"I should go." He agrees with a sigh.

"I'll see you Friday."

"Bye, Mer."

"Bye, Derek." She hangs up the phone, and Margaret closes the magazine she was thumbing through.

"I've been thinking..." Margaret shares. "...I'm going to turn down the job in Houston, after all."

"Why?" Meredith wonders. "You've already spoken to a realtor, and everything."

"I haven't bought a house, or signed a contract with the university yet." Margaret informs her. "I think I'm more needed here."

"If this is about the other night..."

"It certainly put some things into perspective for me."

"How so?"

"You witnessed a robbery-homicide." Margaret reminds her. "Someone feet away from you was shot and killed, and your mother couldn't even be bothered to put down her scalpel."

"She was on-call." Meredith can only shrug. "I wasn't the one who was shot."

"You easily could have been, but that isn't the point." Margaret dismisses her excuses for Ellis. "Your mother lives at that hospital, and I was going to pick up everything and move to Texas. Where does that leave you?"

"I do not want to be the reason you stay." Meredith sighs. "I can't have someone else resent me."

"I could never resent you."

"My mother does." Meredith says bitterly. "I'll never be anything but an inconvenience to her."

"That is exactly why I should stay." Margaret tells her. "You should not be left to feel like an inconvenience."

* * *

The beginning of a beautiful end of May sunset streamed through the nearby window while Derek stood between his mother and Kathleen Friday evening. He had known his father's wake and funeral would be at the same funeral home Danielle's had taken place, but he hadn't prepared himself for the onslaught of feelings being in this room again would bring. He was even wearing the same black suit. The sleeves weren't as long on his arms, but it fit much like it had five months ago. He was not the same person who had tried it on in the department store, though. That much he was sure of, and that was what he had to keep reminding himself.

Countless amounts of friends and relatives shake his hand and hug him, but he is not too responsive to their sympathy. He acknowledges it, and is grateful for it, but he is careful to keep any emotion to a minimum. It was the only thing keeping him from breaking down. There would be plenty of time for that later, when there weren't so many people around. He is doing pretty well until he hears a conversation between his estranged uncle and his father's childhood friend, Hal.

"How much tragedy can happen to one family?" Hal asks Charles, holding up the receiving line that Derek only wanted to end. He had decided that receiving lines needed to reserved for happy occasions only. Considering the fact that Derek had hardly seen Hal or Charles throughout his entire life, neither of them should be discussing his family's business. Friends from his time in the military were more like brothers to his father than Charles. Derek actually had memories of them, and their grief felt more sincere. Charles needed to shut the hell up, and go home.

"It isn't fair." Charles shakes his head. "He's with Danielle now, though."

Derek was going to punch him in his face. He had no idea how unfair losing his father was, and he had no right to speak of Danielle. Derek was struggling to breath, and he needed some fresh air.

"I need to step outside." Derek tells his mother. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Take all the time you need." She rubs his back, sensing the uneasy feeling he was experiencing. He had always known he had the best mother in the entire world, but the past few days had made him appreciate her that much more.

He opens the backdoor, and steps out on to the porch. He paces back and forth for a few moments, not noticing that Mark and Meredith had followed him outside. He leans on the metal railing wrapping around the porch, and any resolve he had, melts away. His hands tighten on the railing, and he begins to kick the thin bars beneath it. He had lost control, and he didn't mind at all. It felt good. He doesn't realize he is crying until he feels a pair of small hands pull him away from the railing. He turns to see Meredith, and falls into her, allowing himself to finally fall apart.

"You seemed alright." Meredith holds him. "What happened?"

"I...I..." He is unable to speak through the sobs he could no longer subdue.

"Shh." She strokes his hair. "It's okay."

"I can't be in the same room as him..." Derek catches his breath, and says.

"Charles?"

"Yes." Derek snarls, and Mark squeezes his shoulder.

"Want us to ask him to leave?" Mark asks, being completely serious.

"You know we will if you need us to." Meredith adds to what Mark said.

"No." Derek shakes his head, and him and Meredith sit on the step leading up to the backdoor. "It's just, who the hell does he think he is?"

"Who_ is_ he?" Meredith looks between Mark and Derek, and they start to roar with laughter. She rolls her eyes and says, "I actually have no idea."

"Sorry." Derek smiles at her. "Sometimes I forget I've only known you a few months. He's my Dad's brother."

"He's an asshole." Mark nods.

"He treated my parents like dirt." Derek shakes his head. "I've never gotten the full story, but he didn't approve of their marriage. It really hurt my Dad, but he tried to fix it. Charles refused. I understand paying your respect, but..."

"Pay your respect, and then sit the hell down."

"I'm beginning to see where my sisters get their obnoxiousness from." Derek laughs, and so does Mark.

"Mystery solved."

"How could someone act that way toward your parents?" Meredith wonders, and they shrug.

"He thought they rushed into everything." Derek shakes his head. "He didn't understand how they could just know they were meant for each other."

"He's lucky your Dad never beat the crap out of him." Mark leans against the siding of the funeral home.

"I'm sure he wanted to."

"I'm sure you'd like to..." Mark smirks, and Derek nods.

"I would love to, but if he didn't need to, I don't need to."

"Are you sure?" Mark eggs him on. "I'll hold the guy back for you."

"I could take him on my own, thank you."

"I want to have some fun too..."

"Thank you guys for being here."

"Hey, you're my best friend." Mark shrugs. "And Grey clearly wants you. Where else would we be?"

"Yes, I plan to take advantage of him in his vulnerable state." Meredith rolls her eyes.

"It'd be about damn time."

"Shut your pie hole, Mark."

"Grey, you don't know how much of a pie hole it is."

"You're disgusting." Derek scowls at him.

"Come on." Mark chuckles. "You want to laugh."

"No, I really don't."

"Whatever." Mark crosses his arms. "You both know it was hilarious."


	17. Chapter 17

_"You'd be a fool to fight it. You belong here." _

He had hoped that returning to school after missing a week would bring a sense of normalcy, but he should have known better. He should have known that what he had considered to be normal two weeks ago no longer existed. For the second time in less than a year, Derek realizes he will have to find a new normal. He tried to put on a brave face, but it really bothered him. He had honestly just gotten used to life without Danielle, and now he had to adjust to life without his father? He didn't want to, and he was sick of the hollow feeling that overcame him whenever he was reminded of James. He wasn't sure how the world kept turning when such horrible things kept happening. Derek is more than relieved when Friday afternoon rolls around, and he can walk home for the weekend. An independent film producer was playing a double feature of their films in Central Park later that night, and they were going to take advantage of the early summer weather before exams took over their lives. He was determined to have a good time.

Mark is talking to him about their impending biology exam, but he doesn't have too much to say about it. Mark is not satisfied with the mostly one way conversation, and groans in frustration. "Are you alright? I mean, normally you'd be freaking out about this exam too."

"It's an exam." Derek sighs. "I'll study, and I'll take it."

"Hey, Derek..." Terry Kline, a highly overrated pitcher on the baseball team jogs up to them. "...I'm really sorry about your Dad."

This had been happening all week - people who he knew could not care less, offering their condolences. Derek had run out of patience for it. "Thank you."

"How's Nancy handling it?"

"You could ask her yourself..." Derek suggests, and Terry laughs.

"Oh, I will." Terry smirks, and Mark glares at him. "We all know how she dealt with your sister dying."

"I don't."

"Let's just say she was well supported through her grief." Derek didn't care for what he was insinuating. "Mark could tell you all about it."

"Go screw yourself." Mark shouts, and Derek stops him from charging at Terry, and ripping his head off.

"I won't have to if I find Nancy."

"Shut your damn mouth." Derek stares him down.

"Why?"

"You know why." Derek feels his fists tighten. "That's my sister you're talking about, and you know exactly what you're doing."

"I'm not saying anything that isn't true." Terry says defensively. "Like I said, ask Mark."

"I'm warning you, Kline." Mark takes another step closer to Terry.

"Yeah, keep pretending all you want." Terry scoffs. "You'll get kicked off the team if you do anything."

"So will you."

"Do you see me fighting anyone?" Terry gets in Mark's face. He was getting more satisfaction from this than anyone should. "It really is too bad Nancy's graduating in a month. What will we do? At least before Dani died she would have still been here..."

Terry had taken it a step too far. It was one thing to disrespect his living sister, but this would not be ignored. Derek tosses away his backpack, and grabs Terry by the shirt collar. Terry tries to push him away, but Derek has too tight of a grip on his shirt. "If you ever talk about my sisters that way again, I will hurt you. Are we clear?"

"I'd like to see you try." Terry struggles, and Mark separates them. "Yeah, that's what I thought. It's not my fault Nancy gets around."

Derek gives up trying to control himself, and tackles Terry, slamming him into the sidewalk. Derek lands a few solid punches before Mark can pull him off of Terry.

"Walk away, Kline." Mark suggests when Terry stumbles to his feet, and brushes off his shirt. He turns to Derek, and shakes his head. "You're lucky you didn't do that on school property."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Derek's temper was still flaring as they walked in the opposite direction of Terry.

"Tell you what?"

"About Nancy..."

"It was locker room talk, Derek." Mark sighs. "I thought they were making it up."

"Nothing happened between you and Nancy?"

"Nothing happened." Mark groans. "Not that I'd say no to her."

"Ew."

"Hey, I'm just being honest."

"You should have told me they were saying those things about her."

"It would have just pissed you off." Mark shrugs. "You were not the easiest person to be around after Dani died."

"I know." Derek messages his left hand with his right. "I'm sorry."

"No big deal." Mark tells him. "You should ice that hand."

"Is it possible to break your hand on someone's face?"

"Very possible." Mark laughs. "Don't worry, you can have Meredith kiss it, and make it all better later."

"You seriously need to knock that off." Derek frowns. "It makes us feel really uncomfortable when people say things like that."

"Sorry." Mark did not seem all that apologetic. "I'm still bringing a date tonight to not feel like a third wheel."

"That's fine." Derek says, flexing the fingers of his injured hand. "Do you think she likes me?"

"Meredith?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know." Mark sighs. "That girl is a closed book."

"Sometimes she's a closed book with a lock on it." Derek agrees. "But, sometimes she isn't."

"We are only having this conversation because you're my boy, and I want you with an awesome girl." Mark explains. "Do you like her?"

"She's incredible." He had not tried to understand or describe his feelings for Meredith before. "I can't get her out of my head."

"Well, yeah." Mark laughs. "She's cute."

"She's gorgeous." Derek corrects him. "And funny, and smart, and she keeps me going on my worst days."

"Have you told her any of this?"

"I've barely admitted it to myself."

"Maybe you should tell her."

"I can't lose her."

"I don't think you will."

* * *

The nagging feeling that she should be studying was at the forefront of her mind, but Meredith tried to ignore it. she had the rest of the weekend to prepare for exams. Right now, she was going to sit on the blanket they had brought with them, and eat the candy that Derek and Mark had teased her for buying. She didn't care if they weren't sitting in a movie theatre, movies were still being watched.

"So, you have no problem eating the candy you made fun of?" Meredith eyes Mark when he snatches a few pieces.

"I was only giving you a hard time, Grey."

"What happened to your hand?" She asks, when she sees the bruises on Derek's knuckles.

"He may have broken it on Terry Kline's face." Mark answers, and Derek sighs.

"It's not broken." Derek refutes. "It looks worse than it is."

"Why did you hit him?" Meredith grabs his hand, and looks at it more closely.

"He was saying things about Nancy and Dani."

"It's about time someone shut that jackass up." Meredith shrugs. She thought it was an idiotic way to solve a confrontation, but he was a boy. This was how they solved their issues. Terry had needed a punch to the face for a while. Derek smiles, and she flashes one at him in return. "You're an amazing brother. Don't ever let that change."

"I won't?"

"They need you." Meredith says. "No matter what happens, they'll need you, and you should always be there."

"You okay?" Derek rubs her arm.

"I've just...been where they are."

"What happened to your Dad?" Derek asks, knowing what she had meant. He knew only her mother was in her life, but he had never pressed the question of why.

"It doesn't matter."

"You're not getting off that easy..." Mark warns her, and Derek nods.

"I woke up one morning, and he was gone." Meredith shares. "I was Amy's age, and seeing her go through this..."

"It sucks."

"None of you deserve it."

"I will always be there for them." Derek wraps an arm around her, and holds her close. "I promise."

"Thank you."

"Oh, my date's here." The goofy grin Mark gets on his face makes her laugh. He walks off to meet up with the girl he had invited, and she stays comfortably in Derek's embrace.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"We're more than friends, aren't we?"

"Whatever we are." He smiles. "It's special."

"You think so?"

"I think you're beautiful." His gaze does not leave hers. "You're the most wonderful person I've ever met, and...why are you looking at me like that? I'll shut up now."

She had been lost in the words he was saying, and she had really thought that he was going to kiss her. Maybe she should do it. She had never wanted to kiss someone as much as she wanted to kiss Derek. "I guess I was hoping you would kiss me."

He brushes her cheek with his fingers, and softly kisses her. The first one is short and sweet, testing the waters. After quickly judging her reaction to that kiss, he kisses her again, and runs his tongue along her lips before slipping it into her mouth.


	18. Chapter 18

**I am so sorry this chapter took so long to post. I started a new job a couple of weeks ago, and between that and getting married in May, my life is pretty insane at the moment. I am so excited for this part of the story, though! I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

_"Cause everything that don't make sense about me, makes sense when I'm with you." _

His hand moves from her face to her thigh, and he continues kissing her. More importantly, she kept kissing him. Her fingers were running through his hair, and it was perfect. Derek didn't want it to end, but he reluctantly pulls himself away. While he was ecstatic that the kissing was happening, there were things that he needed to say.

"I should have just kissed you all those times I wanted to." Meredith giggles, and he smiles. He never would have guessed it was on her mind as much as she was suggesting.

"You've wanted to?"

"Lots of times." She nods with a nervous smile on her face. "I thought you'd either make your move, or I'd get over it eventually."

"I'm glad I made my move." He laughs, and squeezes her hand.

"Me too."

"I know you probably think I forgot, but I'd really like to take you out for your birthday tomorrow." Derek asks, hoping he wasn't being too forward. She had helped him through his birthday, and it was important to him that he returned the favor.

"I didn't think you forgot." She sighs. "Your father died. I wouldn't have held it against you if my birthday wasn't a top priority."

"I don't know where I'd be without you, so I would like to celebrate the day you were born." Derek tells her. "With you."

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"I am." He says, impatiently awaiting her answer.

"Okay."

"Okay?" He smiles. "Where would you like to go? It's your pick."

"Why do we have to go anywhere?" Meredith groans. "Isn't the point spending time together?"

"Yes, but there is also the point of experiencing new things together." Derek argues. "Creating memories."

"Alright, but you choose." She decides. "I have no idea where I'd like to go."

"That's fine." He kisses her cheek. Being with her felt like the most natural thing in the world. He was so glad he had figured that out. "I'll pick you up at six?"

"You'll pick me up?"

"It's fairly standard practice for a first date." He pulls at a stray piece of her hair.

"I know, but it's just a little weird." She shrugs. "You've been to my house a thousand times. Couldn't you just say you'll be there at six?"

"I wanted to say I'll pick you up." Derek admits. "It's a guy thing."

"Alright, you can pick me up at six."

"I'm looking forward to it." He smiles, and kisses her.

* * *

He wakes the next morning, excited and happy. He turns over in his bed, and is startled by Amelia propped up against one of his pillows. She is immersed in one of her books, and is disinterested in his shock.

"Geez, Am." He sighs. "You scared me a little."

"Mommy got called into work." She shrugs, turning a page. "She said to wake you up, but I was fine."

"You could have woken me up."

"I thought about it." She nods. "I started getting scared."

"Scared of what?"

"That they'll find me."

Derek sits up, and takes a deep breath. He knew who she meant. She was referring to the men who had murdered their father.

"They aren't going to find you."

"I have bad dreams that they do."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I told Mommy..."

"Good." Derek tells her. "You shouldn't have to be scared."

"I'm scared a lot."

"The police are going to find them, and they'll be put in jail."

"It's not just them." She closes her book. "I'm scared of everything."

"Am..." It broke his heart to think of her being so consumed with fear. He would have done anything to shield her from this pain.

"Strangers scare me, noises scare me." She tells him, and starts to cry. "I'm such a baby."

"You are not." He rubs her back.

"I don't know what to do."

"You talk about it." He gives her the best advice he can think of. "You can tell me anything."

"I miss Daddy."

"Me too."

"Does he miss us?"

"I know he does." He assures her. "Hey, it's Meredith's birthday. Want to make her a card?"

"Can I?!"

"I think she'd like that."

"Is she having a party?" Amelia asks while the walk down the stairs.

"I'm taking her to dinner."

"Just you and her?" She asks, and he nods. She giggles, and says to him, "You're going on a date!"

"I am."

"With Meredith!"

"With Meredith."

"You have to bring her flowers, and open doors for her, and tell her she's pretty..." Amelia instructs, and Derek laughs. "I'm serious!"

"I will do all those things." He follows her. "Did you eat breakfast already?"

"Uh huh." She tells him, grabbing paper and markers from the desk in the den. "Right before Mommy had to go to work."

"Okay, I'll eat while you make a card for Mer."

"Okay." She walks into the kitchen, and sits at the table in there.

"Nance is at work, but where's Kath?" Derek wonders, pouring himself some cereal. He had noticed their bedroom door was open, and Kathleen wasn't downstairs.

"I don't know." Amelia shrugs, coloring on the piece of paper in front of her.

"Was she not home when you woke up?"

"I don't know." Amelia repeats, getting frustrated. "She said to quit using me to keep tabs on her."

"I'm doing my job as her brother."

"Are you going to be like this when I'm bigger?"

"I'll be even worse."

"Why?"

"You're my little sister." Derek shrugs. "You were the first baby I ever held, and I've watched you grow up. It's different."

"Kath and Nance think you're crazy."

"They can think that all they want." Derek sits next to her. "It's not going to change the way I am."

* * *

He rings Meredith's doorbell later that evening, holding Amelia's card, and some purple orchid flowers. She smiles when she opens the door, and then her eyes fall to the items in Derek's hand.

"You didn't..."

"I did." He laughs. "Happy birthday."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." He hands her the card. "This is from Amy."

"She made me a card?"

"She was having a rough morning."

"What happened?"

"She's traumatized because of the monsters who murdered our father." Derek sighs. "Do you really want to talk about this on your birthday?"

"Yes." She says with certainty. "We should put those flowers in water. You're going to tell me what's going on with Amy."

"She just told me this morning." Derek says, walking into the kitchen after her. "So don't act like I kept it from you."

"Don't act like I wouldn't care to know because it's my birthday." Meredith fills a vase with water. "I am not that selfish."

"I did not call you selfish." Derek leans his head against a wall. He loved that Meredith cared so much about Amelia, it was part of what made her such an amazing person, but this was not how he pictured their date going. "This is a great way to start off our first date."

"What happened with Amy?"

"She said she's afraid of everything, and she never used to be like that." Derek shrugs. "She has nightmares that they find her. It kills me that I couldn't protect her from this."

"We have to get them put in jail."

"I've been racking my brain trying to think of anything else I might remember."

"Me too." She hugs him. "Ready to start our date?"

"If you are." He kisses her forehead.

"I am." She finds her purse, and takes his hand. They walk through her neighborhood, passing more brownstones, and eventually passing into an area with small shops. He notices one in particular catch her eye.

"Want to go in?"

"Audrey brought me here a few years ago when I visited during the summer. I've been meaning to stop by since I moved in." She points to a sign posted on the glass door. "I can't believe it closing."

"Let's go in."

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely." He opens the door, and walks in behind her. She looks at a few items, but nothing catches her interest like a necklace near the cash register. She smiles into the small mirror on the holster, holding it up to her chest. He had been wanting to get her something else for her birthday, and now he knew what. She makes her way over to another display, and he quickly buys the necklace. He places the velvet box into his pocket, and joins her at the other display. "Where are we going to eat?"

"You'll find out when we get there." He smiles, and puts his hands on her shoulders.

"I don't like surprises."

"Then you won't like this?" He pulls the rectangular box out of his pocket, and hands it to her. He looks between her and the box. "Open it."

"Thank you." Meredith says, after propping it open.

"Happy birthday, Meredith." He moves some her hair, and clasps the necklace.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, and for still reading. Sorry it is becoming such a wait between chapters. I feel like a deadbeat writer. I'll do my best to get another chapter up ASAP.**

* * *

_"But do not ask the price I paid. I must live with my quiet rage."_

It does not take long for them to be seated once they arrive at the Italian restaurant Derek had chosen for their date. They fall into easy conversation, and she is glad that Derek knew how to keep things from getting awkward. Chatty Derek had a tendency to annoy her, but in this instance Meredith did not mind at all. He kept asking all of these random questions, and she had no idea how he thought of them, but she was really enjoying herself.

"Oh! I have one." She smiles, and he laughs at her excitement. "What's your earliest memory?"

"Um, I think I was two, maybe close to three." Derek tells her. "We were supposed to be going to bed, but Dani and I were wired, so we were jumping on the couch. My Dad scooped us up, spun us around, and we just laughed harder."

"I'm sorry." She says softly, sensing how bittersweet the memory may be. "I shouldn't have asked."

"No, I'm glad you did." Derek assures her. "It's a really nice memory. It hurts like hell that they're not here anymore, but the good memories help."

"As long as you're sure."

"I am." He squeezes her hand. "What's your earliest memory?"

"Drawing on old ER charts in an OR gallery." Meredith laughs. "I liked to listen to my mother while she was operating, but I couldn't reach the button for the intercom. I had another surgeon push it for me."

"Born bossy."

"Naturally."

"Favorite place you ever visited on vacation?" Derek continues the endless stream of questions.

"Colorado." She answers. "My mother shipped me out there for a month a few summers ago. It was beautiful."

"I would love to spend a month out there." She could picture him living this dream, in all his flannel wearing glory. "Hiking, fishing. It'd be perfect."

"Where's your favorite place you ever vacationed?"

"Myrtle Beach."

"South Carolina?"

"We drove down there years ago to visit my Mom's sister." Derek nods. "I got the worst sunburn of my life, but we had the best time. I'll never forget it."

She couldn't help but observe the striking differences between her answers and Derek's. His were filled with family, while hers were quite solitary.

"How's the tortellini?" He asks sweetly, and she wonders if he had noticed the differences too.

"Delicious." She smiles, allowing the subject to change. "How's the capicola?"

"Great." He cuts into his meal. "Want to try some?"

"I'm not going to say 'no' to that." She laughs, and he places some of his dinner on her plate. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He steals some of her tortellini. They sit in content silence for a few moments until Derek decides to break it. "What do I do about Amy?"

"I wish I knew."

"She's so little." He slides his fork along his plate. "How could she possibly handle anything that has happened? I should have realized weeks ago..."

"We'll figure something out."

"My Mom knows, and she's let it continue to happen."

She didn't like where this was headed. As much as Meredith hated seeing him blame himself, she hated seeing him blame his mother even more. It wasn't the Derek she wanted to be on a date with. She didn't want to see him make the same mistakes he had made months before. "Your Mom is only one person, Derek. She's doing the best she can. Do not even think about blaming her."

"I'm not blaming her."

"Sure you are." She sighs. "You blame her for not being able to help Amy with a snap of her fingers, and you blame her for working that night. Amy wouldn't have been in the store if she hadn't have been working."

"So, what if I do?"

"It doesn't change what happened." Meredith reminds him. "Just like blaming your father didn't change what happened to Danielle. I thought you didn't want to go down that road again?"

"I don't." He hangs his head slightly. "I don't even know why I act the way I do half of the time."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not." He sighs. "I'm arguing with you, and a minute ago I honestly didn't believe my mother is doing the best that she can."

"Maybe we should talk to someone." Meredith suggests. "All of us."

"Talk to who?"

"A professional." Meredith specifies. "Someone who's dealt with crap like ours before."

"Talking to you is one thing, but talking to a stranger?"

"I think it's only going to get worse before it gets better." Meredith shrugs. "They might be able to get us to better more quickly. That's all I'm saying."

"I'll try anything." He agrees. "If it will help Amy. I can't let this become who she is."

"You need to help yourself too."

"I will." Derek nods. "I'll talk to my Mom when I get home."

"Thank you."

"Thank you for worrying about me."

"Can we get back to our date now?"

"You worry about me." He teases her. "That's so cute."

"You've ruined it."

"I don't care." Derek laughs quietly, and continues to eat his meal. "Make sure you save room for dessert."

"How will I decide between cheesecake and tiramisu?"

"Their cannolis are also supposed to be excellent."

"You're supposed to aid my indecisiveness, not enable it."

"I picked the restaurant." Derek shrugs. "I could tell them it's your birthday. They might have a specific cake for that."

"Not worth being sang to in public."

"But, I was going to serenade you..." He smirks, staring at her.

"If it means that much to you." She leans in closer to him. "You can serenade me in private."

"Umm..." Derek clears his throat uncomfortably.

"Wow, that sounded way worse than I meant it to."

"You're turning about twelve different shades of red." Derek cannot control his laughter.

"Stop laughing." She says, only making herself sound even more embarrassed than she already was.

"I'm sorry, but you're just too adorable right now."

"I am not."

"Trust me, you are."

"Eat your food."

"I'll serenade you any time..."

"Seriously, stop it."

"Okay, I'll stop." He smiles at her. "Go with the cheesecake. You love cheesecake."

"Was that so hard?"

"Why are decisions so difficult for you?"

"I always make the wrong one." She thought it should be obvious by now.

"No, you don't."

"I feel like I do."

"Add it to the growing list of crap to deal with that isn't our fault."


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey, two chapters so far this month! Thank you so much to those of you who still take the time to read this. **

**I'm really happy with this chapter. I think it's kind of heavy, but real. The research I did do completely broke my heart. Reading about kids going through what Amy, Derek, and Meredith are...no one should have to go through it, and it's children. And, I will never be a child psychiatrist. It's super interesting to me, but I don't know how they do it. So, some serious props goes out to those who are out there, doing it. You're angels! Honestly.**

* * *

_"When it hurts so much you can't breath, that's how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much." _

It was the last day of classes before final exams and presentations began, and Derek stood at his locker, sorting through his textbooks and notes. Trying to decide which to take home was not an easy decision. He is placing his geometry and biology text books into his backpack, while Mark props himself up against the locker next to Derek's.

"Can you work on this presentation for bio tonight, or have you completely forgotten about me now that you have a girlfriend?"

"I haven't asked her to be my girlfriend yet." Derek laughs, zipping his backpack.

"Answer the question."

"I have that doctor's appointment I told you about tonight, but after that I'm free."

"You can say psychiatrist, Derek." Mark rolls his eyes. "No one cares that you're going to a psychiatrist."

"It's the first appointment." Derek shrugs. "I'm just anxious to see how it goes."

"Give me a call when you get home."

"I will." Derek agrees, and his locker door suddenly closes.

"Have you lost your mind?" A perturbed Nancy asks him.

"Would someone who has lost their mind, actually know they've lost it?"

"I am so not in the mood for you right now." Nancy snaps. "Why did you fight Terry Kline?"

"It wasn't much of a fight, if you ask me." Mark laughs. "And you're just hearing about this?"

"Yes." Nancy sighs. "Why did you fight him, Derek?"

"He called you easy, Nance." Derek shakes his head. "He implied that Dani was too."

"I'm sorry." She says sadly. "I am so sorry."

"You don't need to apologize." Derek tells her. "He crossed the line, and I will not hesitate to tear him apart if he does it again."

"Are you alright?" She questions, staring at him.

"Yeah."

"I don't think you are." Nancy says softly.

"Why?"

"You were always more of the passive type." Nancy shrugs. "I mean, Mark tried to microwave your frog that one time, and you brushed it off like it was nothing."

"He never pressed start." Derek reminds her.

"What ever happened to old Frodo Hoppins?" Mark wonders.

"Unfortunate incident with a catapult."

"A catapult?" Mark seemed surprised, but Derek was sure that he had told him what had happened to his beloved frog. Then again, maybe it had been too hard to talk about at the time.

"He wanted to hop further than any frog had hopped before." Derek explains, and Nancy groans.

"Tragic." Mark hangs his head.

"I am 99% done with you two." Nancy warns them. "99%."

"Then go about your business, and we'll go about ours." Mark suggests with a smirk on his face.

"I would love to." Nancy glares at Mark. "I'm worried about you, Derek."

"Don't be."

"How can I not?" She asks. "You're my brother. You're a gigantic pain in my ass, but you're my brother. I do care about you."

"I'm not going around fighting anyone I can." Derek sighs. "He asked for it."

"This family has lost enough." Nancy shakes her head. "We don't need you to turn into some mindless brute. We need you to be Derek."

"I'm not turning into a mindless brute."

"It needed to be said." Nancy shrugs. "I'll see you at home."

"Bye."

"This family has lost enough..." Mark mocks Nancy as she walks away.

"Damn it." Derek secures the lock hanging from the latch of his locker.

"What?"

"I just really hate it when she's right."

"You think she's right?"

"She had a point, yes."

"You have lost your mind." Mark laughs, and Derek follows him down the hall, and out of the school.

* * *

The wait at the psychiatrist's office only makes him feel more anxious and annoyed. Amelia and his mother were passing the time with a word-search they had found, but there wasn't much to occupy him and Meredith. This was the problem with going to a child psychiatrist. They weren't children, but they weren't quite adults either. No one understood how frustrating that could be. Finally, the doctor they would be speaking to introduces herself.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Shay." She sits next to his mother and Amelia. "It's so nice to meet you all."

"How are you going to help us?" Amelia asks, folding up the word-search.

"We're going to talk about that." Dr. Shay smiles at her.

"You're supposed to know." Amelia sulks, and slumps down in her chair.

"I'm sure she has some ideas." Meredith says encouragingly.

"I do have some ideas." Dr. Shay. "Let's head into my office, and we'll get started."

"Not by myself."

"We'll be with you, Am." Derek promises, and stands up. "And if you decide you want to talk to Dr. Shay by yourself, you can. You don't have to if you don't want to, though."

"Okay." Amelia nods, and they move into Dr. Shay's office. Amelia looks out one of the windows and smiles. "We're up so high!"

Derek was relieved to see that at least there was still something that didn't terrify Amelia.

"28th floor." Dr. Shay says, and sits in a chair.

"No one's going to find us all the way up here." Amelia pulls a pink beanbag chair over to where Meredith and Derek are sitting.

"Who are you worried is going to find you?" Dr. Shay asks, and Amelia looks to Meredith and Derek, hoping they'll answer for her. Derek considers answering, but it was not what Amelia needed right now.

"Them." She eventually answers.

"The men who hurt your father?"

"He died." Amelia corrects Dr. Shay. "They didn't just hurt him. He died. If they could do that to Daddy..."

"It doesn't mean that's going to happen to you too."

"It can happen to anyone." This may be the saddest thing he had ever heard in his life, mostly because his five-year-old sister was saying it.

"It can." Dr. Shay agrees. "It's scary, but you're safe. They're not going to hurt you."

"Maybe hearing someone else say it will make her believe that." Derek shrugs, wanting it to be true, but at the same time wanting Dr. Shay's attempts to fail as much as his had. He wasn't sure why. He wanted Amelia to feel safe, that is why they are here, but he guesses he is upset that neither him nor anyone else he knew could do it.

"We'll discuss some ways for her to remind herself, and maybe hearing someone who actually believes it will help her realize it's very true." Dr. Shay argues, and Derek scowls. It was as though she knew exactly which buttons to push.

"I believe that she's safe." He did, to a point. "I'd never let anything happen to her."

"Why do you feel like it's your responsibility, and yours alone?"

"I don't."

"You kind of do." Meredith weighs in. "Sorry."

"It's okay." He smiles sadly at her.

"So?" Dr. Shay was not finished with their conversation.

"I think I'm going to sit in the waiting room." He stands up, and Meredith reaches for his hand to stop him.

"Mr. Shepherd..." Dr. Shay says, and Derek feels his chest tighten. It was the first time he had heard anyone called that since his father had died. It had hardly ever happened to begin with. He had typically been referred to as some form of James, Shepherd, or even Sergeant. He would never see the look of bemusement on his father's face when someone actually called him Mr. again.

"Please..." Derek urges. "...don't call me that."

"You'd prefer Derek?" She wonders, and he nods. "Okay. All you had to do was communicate that."

"Okay." He sits back down, still holding Meredith's hand.

"Now, can we give my question some more thought?"

"I lost my sister." He says. "I...I lost my Dad. I just stood there, and let them kill my Dad. I'm not losing anyone else. I'm not."

"You didn't just stand there." Meredith assures him. "You called the police. You protected us."

"I didn't protect him."

"How could you have protected all of you?" Dr. Shay asks. He hadn't considered the risk intervening would have posed for himself. That wouldn't have been what his father wanted. He had done exactly what his father had always told him to do.

"I don't know, but I should have figured out a way." Derek struggles still. "All I can see is that monster shooting my Dad, and me not doing a damn thing to stop it."

"You couldn't have stopped it, Derek." Dr. Shay tells him.


	21. Chapter 21

**This chapter is really transitional, and I hope you like it. There are only about 5 chapters left, but I'm really excited about them. Thank you all so much for your kind reviews. **

* * *

_"Push it away. The world looks red." _

The weeks fly by, and June turns into July. They have several more sessions with Dr. Shay, and they can all see the progress being made. She was chipping away at the jaded parts they stubbornly tried to hold on to, and they were slowly coping. Nancy's graduation was difficult for Derek and his family, but they got through it. The school year ends, and they find ways to occupy their time. When they aren't with each other, Derek is working with his father's friend, Sean, and Meredith is volunteering in the oncology ward at the children's hospital near her brownstone. It had been something she had considered doing for a while, and now she had the time. She knows it is something Audrey would have liked for her to do. Audrey's heart had ached for the other children in that ward during her time there. Particularly for the children who were by themselves. Even a year after losing Audrey, it was still hard to be in the ward, but she still managed to do whatever she could for those kids. She would read to the younger ones, play games with the older ones, or just be there to talk to. She was whatever they needed.

On the night they planned to watch the 4th of July fireworks, she decides to surprise Derek at the construction site he was working at since it was near the hospital.

"I thought we were going to meet up later?" He smiles, and kisses her.

"Hey, Romeo." Sean calls to him. "Don't forget your paycheck."

"I won't." Derek shakes his head, and turns his attention back to Meredith.

"My mother was in surgery for twenty hours straight before I saw her earlier." Meredith tells him. "I'm better off just going to your house. I'll hang out with Amy while you shower."

"Okay."

"How was your day?"

"It was good." He shrugs, packing up what he needed to bring home. "I painted a lot of drywall."

"I can tell." She giggles, running her fingers through a few strands of his hair that were stained beige. "Were you trying to give yourself highlights?"

"Very funny." He grins sarcastically. "I wish they'd let me do more than paint."

"You're only fifteen." Meredith reminds him of how much of a liability he could be for a contracting company, should he do more than paint. "You're lucky to be working there at all."

"True." He agrees, signing the ledger for his paycheck. "How was your day?"

"Great." She smiles. "I feel like those kids are helping me more than I'm helping them."

"You're helping them."

"I hope so."

"You're amazing."

"You're not so bad yourself."

"Thank you." He tilts his head, and smirks. He says goodbye to Sean, and they walk toward the subway. "This is going pretty well, isn't it? Us?"

"I'd say so."

"Maybe we should call it a relationship." He suggests, and she finds his nervousness adorable.

"Okay?"

"You know what I'm asking, right?" He asks, seeming more amused than nervous now.

"Not really." She admits with a shrug.

"I'm asking you to be my girlfriend." He shakes his head, and laughs.

"Oh, that's what you were meaning." Meredith laughs too. "I'll be your girlfriend."

"Really?"

"No, I'm just leading you on."

"You better not be."

"I'm not." She wraps her arm in his, bringing them closer together.

"Okay." Derek smiles, savoring the closeness. "I was going to ask you during the fireworks, but Sean said I might as well grow ovaries if I did that."

"It would have been a bit much."

The familiar subway ride to Derek's is quick, and Kathleen is listening to music on the couch when they walk through the front door.

"Where's Amy?" Derek wonders, once Kathleen pulls her headphones away from her ears.

"Out on the tire swing." Kathleen shrugs, not seeing as much as an issue with this as Derek was.

"And you're in here?" Derek does not hide his disappointment.

"She wanted to be alone." Kathleen was not understanding the problem.

"Amy doesn't like to be alone." Meredith calmly explains, and the distinctive sound of firecrackers proves their point. All three of them run into the back yard, and see Amelia light another firecracker, and cover her ears after throwing it.

"Amy!" Derek yells, and Amelia drops the remaining fire crackers and the lighter she had been using.

"I found them in the basement."

"You snuck this from my purse." Kathleen picks up the green lighter from the grass, and puts it in her pocket.

"You shouldn't smoke, anyway." Amelia stares her sister down, and Meredith had never seen a child look so unbelievably enraged.

"You little brat."

"Hey!" Derek tries to ease the tension. "There is no need for that, Kath."

"You promised you would quit." Amelia turns away. "I'd keep my mouth shut, and you'd quit."

"Am..." Derek places his hands on her small shoulders, and checks her for any injuries. "...you really could have hurt yourself."

"I didn't want to be scared of the fireworks." Amelia could tell she was in trouble, and tears were welling up in her eyes. "Don't tell Mom."

"You know we have to, Am." Meredith softly tells her.

"Please, don't."

"Why?" Kathleen scoffs. "You couldn't keep your mouth shut. Why should we?"

"Go inside." Derek instructs, and Kathleen crosses her arms in defense.

"Do you seriously think you can tell me what to do?" She argues, and Derek sighs.

"He's only suggesting you step away, and calm down." Meredith steps between them.

"If she had blown off her hand, it would have been my fault." Kathleen yells. "My fault."

"Maybe you should have paid attention to what she was doing!" Derek argues, and Meredith throws her arms up in defeat.

"I give up." Meredith announces, and walks over to Amelia. "You don't have anymore firecrackers, do you?"

"No."

"She's probably lying."

"Shut up!" Derek loses his temper as Carolyn walks out onto the porch.

"What is everyone yelling about?"

"Amelia almost blew herself up." Kathleen tells their mother.

"I did not!"

"She got a hold of some firecrackers, and decided to light them in the yard."

"Kathy smokes!" Amelia tries to distract Carolyn.

"Where'd you get firecrackers?" Carolyn asks, and Amelia hangs her head.

"The basement." Kathleen answers when Amelia doesn't.

"While you were supposed to be watching her." Derek reminds her.

"She didn't want me around her!"

"Kathleen..."

"I'm going to go answer the phone, since no one is listening to me."

"Amelia, you're going to tell me what happened."

"I saw the firecrackers when we were looking for batteries for my game earlier." Amelia admits. "I put them in my pockets."

"Why, sweetheart?"

"I remembered how loud they are." Amelia admits. "They sound like fireworks and guns. I thought they would help."

"Do you know how dangerous that was?"

"I'm sorry." Amelia hugs her. "I won't do it again."

"No, you won't." Carolyn holds her. "You are so lucky nothing happened."

"I know."

"You were upset, but you had no right to yell at Kathleen."

"She yelled at me too." Derek argues, and Meredith nudges him. Carolyn sees this, and smiles.

"I will be speaking to her about a few things, don't you worry." Carolyn assures him. "You're all going to apologize to each other."

"Can I help you cook dinner?" Amelia hopes, still clinging to her mother.

"That sounds like a great idea."

"Uh, Lieutenant Harrison is on the phone." Kathleen opens the storm door. "The man who shot Dad turned himself in."

"Can you tell him I'll call him back in a minute, please?"

They could all tell that she needed some time to absorb what she had just been told. Kathleen nods, and Amelia follows her into the house. Carolyn sits down on the porch steps, and Derek moves next to her.

"It's going to be alright, Mom." He rubs her back.

"I just want it to all be over."

"It almost is."


	22. Chapter 22

**I've been completely obsessed with the song Lego House by Ed Sheeran since I first heard it, and this chapter was actually one of the first things envisioned for this story while listening to it. "Sheltered From The Storm" was a choice for the title of this story, but I decided to save it for this chapter for a few reasons. **

* * *

_"If you're broken I will mend you, and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on." _

He had feared that the man who killed his father would never be apprehended. Derek had told Amelia that it would happen to comfort her, but he had accepted the possibility that it might not. It was not an easy thing to accept, but now the man who had taken his father from them had a name. He was in police custody, and he was going to be held accountable for what he had done. Lieutenant Harrison explained that because the man had turned himself in and confessed, they wouldn't be subjected to a lengthy and emotionally exhausting murder trial. The judge sentencing him had requested to speak with them in the morning, before the arraignment, but that would most likely be the extent of their involvement. They could move on with their lives.

Derek walks Meredith home after the fireworks, and they kiss on the front steps of her brownstone.

"We can go inside, you know." She suggests, and her smile fades when she sees her mother at their kitchen table, packing up a tote bag. "Were you able to sleep?"

"I was." Ellis puts a blazer on over her blouse, and turns to Derek. "You must be the boy from Brooklyn."

"Derek Shepherd." He shakes her hand, and she surveys him with eyes that reminded him too much of Meredith's. He smiles, and looks away. "It's nice to finally meet you, Dr. Grey."

"I was sorry to hear about your father."

"Thank you."

"The man responsible turned himself in this afternoon." Meredith sifts through the mail on the table.

"Excellent."

"What's with your sudden disinterest in my grades?" Meredith holds up an unopened envelope that must contain her report card.

"I left that out for your benefit." Ellis slips her tote bag onto her shoulder. "Your teachers have kept me informed of your progress regularly for months now."

"Have they?"

"I knew if I lit a fire underneath you, you'd smarten up."

He stood there, awkwardly, unsure of how to react. There were plenty of things he would like to say to Ellis, but he didn't want to cause a scene.

"Sure, the credit is all yours." Meredith smirks. "Because I respond so well to negative reinforcement."

"Forgive me for being pleased that you didn't get..." Ellis eyes Derek. "...distracted."

"The only thing Derek has distracted me from is you."

"You're fourteen." Ellis scolds. "It is my job to keep you on track."

"You don't need to berate her to do that." Derek speaks up for Meredith. "A little support and encouragement go a long way."

"You have no place in this conversation." Ellis looks down at him.

"If it weren't for Derek, I'd barely be keeping my head above water."

"If it weren't for me, you wouldn't even be alive." Ellis says scornfully. "You wouldn't have this house to live in. You wouldn't have anything."

"Your mother of the year award is inevitable." Meredith shakes her head, and heads for the door. "You work on that speech while I walk Derek out."

"Everything extraordinary about her, happened in spite of you." Derek has the last word before following Meredith. "You'll have to record her speech. I'm sure it will be an inspiration to us all."

"I wasn't going to thank her for doing the bare minimum as a mother." Meredith sighs. "I overreacted, didn't I?"

"No, you stood up for yourself." Derek reassures her, taking her hand. "She couldn't even give you the slightest bit of praise."

"She isn't capable of it."

"I might feel sorry for her."

"No..." Meredith dramatically shakes his arm. "...that's what she wants!"

"I said might." Derek laughs, and pulls her in for a kiss.

"Thank you for sticking up for me."

"Hey, I'd be struggling to keep my head above water without you too."

"I never thought I'd meet someone like you."

"I'm very glad you did."

"Me too." Meredith wraps her arms around him. "How are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"I have no idea." Derek holds onto her. "It's all happening so quickly. I'm not sure what to expect."

"I guess we'll find out."

"I'll see you in the morning." He kisses the top of her head.

"Get some sleep."

"I'll try." Derek smiles, and walks to the nearest subway station. He manages to sleep for a few hours, but becomes increasingly more anxious throughout the night. He is feeling restless and unsettled by the time he is sitting in the judge's chambers. Judge Peters wanted to speak to them individually, much to Derek's dismay.

"I understand you witnessed the crimes Mr. Nichols has confessed to." Judge Peters flips through the file on his desk.

"So did my girlfriend and five-year-old sister."

"Yes, I'll be speaking to them both shortly." Judge Peters nods. "Mr. Nichols has agreed to plea guilty to first degree murder. What we're going to decide today are the specifics of his incarceration."

"We're going to decide?"

"I'll certainly take what you all say into consideration." Judge Peters tells him. "Even Mr. Nichols."

"Is he remorseful?"

"He appears to be." Judge Peters decides. "Generally, it is the reason people turn themselves in."

"Generally." Derek scoffs, and stares at the small judge with white hair. "If he's so torn up about it, why did it take him a month to turn himself in?"

"That is something you would have to ask him." Judge Peters scribbles some notes on the file. "Though one could surmise that is has something to do with his young children."

"I am sorry his children are having to go through this." Derek shakes his head. "It doesn't change that my father isn't here because of Mr. Nichols."

"I agree completely." Judge Peters nods. "It is a shame that any of you should lose your father."

"Their father is still living." Derek quips. "They'll be able to visit him. He'll be able to see them grow up. He'll probably be out of prison in time to see them graduate and get married. My father will miss all of that."

"He might not get out of prison at all." Judge Peters comments, tilting his head. "That has yet to be determined."

"I want him to be punished." Derek says softly. "Not his family."

"I admire your ability to see the difference." Judge Peters smiles. "You have a good head on your shoulders, Derek."

"Thank you."

"I really do appreciate your input."

"Did he give the police any information on his friend that robbed the store with him?"

"No," Judge Peters answers, and opens one of his many desk drawers, "but Lieutenant Harrison has asked me to give this to you. He had hoped to be here today, but unfortunately he has other obligations."

"My mother will be very happy to have this back." Derek grips his father's watch protectively, and their conversation ends shortly thereafter. He returns the watch to his mother while Judge Peters is speaking to Meredith, and they wait patiently for the arraignment to begin. Derek sits between Meredith and Sean in the courtroom, and two officers escort Mr. Nichols to the front of the room. During the proceedings, he keeps glancing back at Derek. He whispers to Sean, "Am I seeing things, or is he staring at me?"

"You look a lot like Jimmy." Sean shrugs. "It's probably freaking him out a little bit."

"He's freaking me out."

"Don't worry." Sean laughs. "He's not getting anywhere near you. Not while I'm sitting here."

"I think I'd like to talk to him." Derek confides. "Hear what he has to say."

"You do what you have to do." Sean nods. "I'll go with you if you need me to."

"You're like my personal body guard."

"Damn right." Sean agrees. "I'd give anything to be able to go back, and help your Dad that night."

"Me too." Derek sighs, and turns his attention to Judge Peters. He speaks kindly to Mr. Nichols, and shows sympathy toward his family before sentencing Mr. Nichols to 25 years to life in prison, with a chance of parole after 15 years.


End file.
